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Microsoft's new ad: Students fail if they use an iPad

It's back-to-school time. If you want to graduate and get one of the few jobs left for you, don't use an iPad. You can't multitask.

iPad plodders.
Microsoft/YouTube Screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

Kids, listen up.

You'll soon be going back to school, in a desperate attempt to get some kind of job, before all the jobs in America lean toward being unpaid internships.

You need to garner every advantage to cast down your fellow students toward penury in Peoria.

So when it comes to taking notes in class and playing FarmVille at the same time, you have to make sure you aren't silly enough to buy an iPad.

That's a fail, youthful ones. Do not be downward dogs.

You need a Lenovo Yoga, a machine that lets you multitask in class, while saluting the sun at the same time. At least that's what Microsoft's latest "iPad Is For iDiots" ad seems to be saying.

We are in a very important class. So many people seem to have iPads.

But so many people are so very retrograde these days. They don't see the benefits of moving away from the frippery of Apple's ecosystem and becoming more well-rounded human beings.

So here we have a comely blonde, destined for greatness. She has her Yoga, while so many of the other students twist awkwardly in search of pens, pencils, keyboards, and their cores.

They are lost, while she can study, play games, and even help others (a touch smugly).

Microsoft must, of course, try to grip tightly and speak loudly about the benefits of Windows 8 tablets. They have to be sold.

And we know that no one reacts more readily to being told they're several words short of a haiku than emotionally unstable students.

I do, though, have one small problem with this ad. It's that this is a poetry class.

The students are learning about the Second Coming, which isn't quite as religious as it sounds.

It's a poem by Yeats (who was a bit of an occultist) that looks forward to an apocalyptic revelation.

Perhaps the intention here was to tell students that though things might be difficult in the job market, they still might have their second coming and rise above it all to greatness.

But no one who studies poetry is going to get a job anymore.

If you don't come out of college, living, breathing, talking, and typing code, you're going to end up sharing a studio in the most pained outposts of America.

Yes, like Bakersfield and Brooklyn.

And what are you going to do there? Write stanzas about startups?