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Microsoft wants to denigrate your iPhone and Android again

After the "Smoked By Windows Phone" challenge ad, please welcome "Meet Your Match," in which your local Microsoft store will prove your current phone is second-rate.

Look how awful that iPhone 5 is.
Microsoft/YouTube Screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

Many humans are competitive.

They want to prove that they have the winning hand -- or even the winning phone in their hand.

Microsoft, over recent times, has been keen to humiliate these people in public. First, there was the "Smoked By Windows Phone" challenge, in which Redmond's indefatigable Ben Rudolph proved that Microsoft's phones were so much faster than iPhones or Samsungs.

With the advent of Windows Phone 8, you are invited to a new challenge. This is called "Meet Your Match."

It is similar to the "Smoked By Windows Phone" challenge in that Rudolph and friends will prove that your iPhone 5s and Androids are mere lumps of plastic. Or in iPhone 5's case, effete of clay.

In one ad, Rudolph shows us how wonderful photos are on the HTC 8X. He also shows us that his wife's live tile is a picture of a very small girl.

But it's always the subtext that brings the most joy.

For the family who wins new Windows Phones (and dinner with Rudolph) are called the Cooks. Surely you see the allusion.

The second little movie takes the iPhone 5 and shows it to be a total mess. Camera-wise, that is.

Rudolph takes out his yellow Nokia Lumia 920, interrupts a couple's dinner and makes them feel really bad about themselves and their choices.

He takes a picture of them with both phones. The iPhone picture is gloomy. The Lumia picture is almost as bright as its yellow frame.

You will now likely feel uber-motivated to go to confession and swap your current iPhone or Android for a Windows Phone. Or you will just want to go to a Microsoft store and embarrass the staff in public.

Thankfully, Microsoft is giving you that chance.

In a blog post, the great Rudolph himself announces that you will, indeed, get the chance to challenge Windows Phones not merely on the basis of speed.

You will be able to test your smart device along the more ephemeral criteria of "why it's better, easier, more useful, and more fun."

"Smoked By Windows Phone" did throw up the occasional controversy, when customers were told they had failed -- even though they were convinced they had won.

So I know that Microsoft stores and shopping malls all over the world (well, the U.S., U.K., France, and Germany) will be hotbeds of excitement, as the boiling heat of battle leaves nerves frayed and egos shattered.

But this is the essence of capitalism.

As the great Governor Chris Christie reminded everyone on MSNBC's "Morning Joe" only the other day: "When you lose, you lost."