Microsoft to IE haters: You're sad

If you despise Internet Explorer, you are a twerp.

You are a sad, lonely doofus who sits alone, night after night, posting stupid, negative comments about a browser that is simply above your station.

You are so truly, irredeemably pathetic that your greatest achievement is to have won a karaoke competition at your local bar in 2008.

No, these are not my harsh words. We never bathe in harshness here.

These are the thoughts and sentiments that emerge from a rather touching new ad produced by Microsoft.

In hyping IE10, the company has decided to confront its critics in the same way that Donald Trump's hair confronts gravity's laws: by defying them.

Here we see a tasteless oaf -- a man who drinks coffee from an I-hate-IE mug -- sitting at home, trolling away.

This is the sort of manchild that posts "IE SUCKS!" time and time again on Facebook, Twitter and, who knows, even CNET.

This is the sort of brainless fuddlehead who posts that IE is only good for downloading other browsers.

And yet when he goes to the Internet Explorer Twitter account he sees: "IE adopts an island of kittens and donates them all to children everywhere!!! #Kids+KittiesRULE."

Surely he cannot troll this. Surely he has some residue of humanity left inside him.

Not so. But suddenly he sees that IE has introduced a new karaoke Web standard. This sad, loveless gentleman, you see, was a karaoke grand master at Coco's Bar and Grill in 2008.

I will leave you to imagine whether this leads to at least somewhat of a happy ending.

Personally, I find this ad refreshingly uplifting -- an attempt to confront a reality and show it to be witheringly pathetic.

Should you, however, wish to go to Microsoft's YouTube page and attempt to leave your own "IE SUCKS!!!" message, I must disappoint you.

Comments have been disabled.