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Microsoft: Google blames us for all its problems

In a highly entertaining Twitter attack by Microsoft's head of PR directed at a senior Google PR figure, Google is accused of being nasty, underhanded and, oh, many awful things.

ALL of its problems?
Screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

You might think this is the holiday season, but for Microsoft it is open season.

Yes, open season at pinching Google's lower cheeks, tweaking its upper ones, and generally trying to suggest that it's the most evil company since, oh, Microsoft.

Just how open this season is was shown by Microsoft's jefe of PR, the beautifully named Frank X. Shaw.

As Business Insider reports, Shaw saw a New York Times article describing Microsoft's hiring of PR combatant Mark Penn and his breakfast leaped toward his nose.

When indigestion hits you like this, you must immediately leap to Twitter and expunge your most bitter bile.

So Shaw filed his nails and targeted Google PR person Jill Hazelbaker.

She, you see, had been very, very rude in the Times article. When referencing Microsoft's new combative ways, she offered: "Our focus is on Google and the positive impact our industry has on society, not the competition."

What a relief that Google's focus is not on making money.

Shaw wasn't quite au fait with this relief. He introduced himself with: "Hello @jillhazelbaker. Could be time to come out of the shadows and unprotect your account. We could talk. Or tweet."

Clearly a tad frustrated, Shaw continued: "So, @jillhazelbaker how about a little light? So far this year, Google has outspent Microsoft by a factor 2.3 to 1 lobbying."

He then tried: "Turns out if you shine a light on Google like we did via Scroogled, Gmail man, putting privacy first, they run for the shadows."

Knowing, perhaps, that his pleas and taunts would only be met with silence, Shaw then tweeted: "@jillhazelbaker says Google not focused on competitors. She better let @ericschmidt know so he stops blaming us for all their problems."

I wasn't aware that Schmidt had blamed Microsoft for Google's occasional inability to, oh, seem human, nor that it was Microsoft's fault that Google still isn't quite a force in social networking.

And was it really Microsoft's fault that Google bought Motorola and didn't seem to quite know what to do with it?

I also wasn't aware that Schmidt blamed Microsoft for Google's brushes with all sorts of government authorities around the world -- just the European ones.

Indeed, I can even find reference to Schmidt saying that Microsoft did a "brilliant" job of creating a "model of control and licensing."

Shaw ended his tweeting spree with a challenge to Hazelbaker: "Want to talk about privacy? Name the time and place. And don't sent the NYT next time. Or BusinessWeek. Use your own voice."

Naturally, I have contacted Google to see whether the company will take up this challenge and arrive in a self-driving car with a very sharp lance sticking out of the driver's side window.

It's clear that after accusing Google of being Scroogle, Microsoft intends to rough up those sanctimonious, lily livered Mountain Viewers.

In the absence of another Mayweather-Pacquiao fight, this should at least be as entertaining as the Philippines vs. Justin Bieber.