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Mental breakthrough! Katy Perry cancels Google Alerts

In a stunning move, the legendarily sweet singer decides that no, her image might be superficial, but she is more than her news reports. And she just doesn't care any more what people think.

Her eyes are now closed to your roars of disapproval.
Katy Perry Vevo/YouTube Screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

It's hard to be sweet all the time.

This is something I discovered around the age of 7 and, to be honest, it's been a constant battle.

Katy Perry, on the other hand, knows that her image of sweetness tinged with superficiality might hound her till her dotage.

However, she's decided to break out. She's decided that she is more than the Katy Perry you know and judge every day. After all, her real name is Katheryn Elizabeth Hudson.

In order to show that she is the "captain of my career," she has decided to switch off her Google Alerts.

No longer will she spend her nights and mornings learning that someone in Michigan might have described her as aspartame for the numbed. No more will she have to tolerate the sniping of those who would dearly love to be in her sequins.

My religiously sequential reading of Entertainment Wise tells me that Perry declared: "My image is just something superficial. I also try not to pay attention to what other people think of me."

This is a remarkably sanguine attitude. We are more than what people think of us. If you knew what really goes on inside my head, you'd call the nearest nunnery and ask them to send over someone behabited and holy to tend to my spirit.

There is so much about all of us now that is "out there" -- often put "out there" by us, of course -- that then leads others to draw sometimes painful conclusions.

Perry, conscious of this, doesn't want to be defined by it. She explained her new level of self-awareness: "I used to have Google Alerts set up, which would notify me about everything that was being written about me. But I've stopped all that now. After all, there are more important things in life."

Ms. Perry, you are to be my guiding light for 2014. Should you ever tire of that Johnny Depp wannabe John Mayer, you are very welcome to come to my house for a little spaghetti bolognese and some philosophical chatter, as Keith Jarrett plays through my speakers.

The thing is, how will you ever learn about my invitation? Because, well, I know that you'll never read this.