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Kevin Spacey tries to out-baby the baby for E*Trade

In a new ad for E*Trade, the "House of Cards" star stoops in an attempt to conquer the online financial world. But does he succeed?

Buffet-plate stuffers are perfect Type E. E*Trade screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

For some years, E*Trade enjoyed, as its spokesperson, a pampered baby with a sharp tongue and a patronizing manner.

Is it so hard to think such a baby would grow up to be Frank Underwood?

Perhaps it was just such a leap of logic that led the company to hire Kevin Spacey, he of many fine movies and "House of Cards," as its new face and voice.

E*Trade's new campaign is all about people who are "Type E."

No, these aren't the excitable ones who take ecstasy to get their high. These are the clever people who know how to create their own financial portfolios with a little help from E*Trade.

The campaign was launched with a curious singing and dancing number. It wasn't as bad as the Microsoft Surface launch ad, but it may not have made too many people feel e-for-excited either.

Here, we have Spacey wandering about in an attempt to find those who are Type E but may not know it.

He espies a man who apparently expresses all the right characteristics. He's the one who piles vast chunks of incompatible food onto one plate at a hotel buffet.

You may have recoiled from him in the past, muttering to your lover that you hope neither of you ever ends up like that.

However, this is an example of diversification.

Yes, it might make you sick. But in the morning, you'll still have some energy to drive you toward your ultimate destination.

Clearly, those who simply pile twenty pieces of bacon onto their plates are the ones who'll go belly-up.

I feel sure that, at the very least, this ad will make you re-examine your behavior the next time you are confronted with a buffet of any kind.

You will impress those around you by putting chocolate cake next to your scrambled eggs and watermelon next to your quiche.

I cannot confirm that the next Kevin Spacey ad for E*Trade will feature a bishop with five mistresses but no wife.