If you needed further proof that we are truly in the darkest timeline, internet darling (and actor, I guess) Jeff Goldblum recently revealed in an interview that he was approached by Steve Jobs to be the voice of Apple.
"Steve Jobs called me up a few decades ago to be the voice of Apple" said Goldblum in a recent interview on the Today Show in Australia. "That was early on, and I did not know it was Steve Jobs."
Sadly, it was not to be, and instead Susan Bennett is the voice you're most likely to associate with Apple's virtual assistant and Thinking Different.
Goldblum was recently in Australia handing out free sausages and promoting Menulog, a local food ordering app designed to minimise human contact. Presumably this furthers the Goldblum agenda of his being the only voice you ever need to hear.
We may have missed out on the Goldblum/Siri fusion that could have heralded a golden age, but in some small consolation, you can shut up and stuff your ears with the first two Menulog ads, Girl's Night In and Game Night. And this GIF, which is always relevant:
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