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iPad app developer tells how secretive Apple is--very

A developer who says he was probably the sixth person to get an iPad tells Business Insider that Apple chained the product to a desk using a bicycle cable and had custom frames built around. And there's more.

Some people like to be secretive. Then there's the CIA. Then there's Apple.

I have just been moved to watery eyes by a touching tale of Apple's keenness for covert activities, reportedly told by the unnamed developer of "a very successful iPad app."

As whispered to Business Insider, this developer wanted an iPad as soon as he could get one.

He claims that he was "probably the sixth person" to have his hands on the new, new thing. He accompanied three other developers to a dungeon in Cupertino, Calif., where a sample of the magic revolution was chained to a desk.

Chained using a bicycle cable, in fact. Oh, of course they'd drilled a hole in the desk. How else do you think they'd have managed it?

To think this might once have been chained to a desk. James Martin/CNET

Just as any Apple employee who walks into a bar, the developers reportedly had to give their names and Social Security numbers. When they espied the beautiful machines, they weren't all that beautiful. They were wrapped in custom frames, so that you couldn't tell whether this was the next coming of beauty or a very old, sliced Lenovo.

Still, that is but small brussels sprouts when compared to the next reported security measure--photographing the grain of the desk.

Like insecure lovers who break into your e-mail, the Apple brethren reportedly believed that if they photographed the grain they would be protected against unfaithfulness. They would be able to tell--should those secret photographs of unreleased products happen to emerge on some tech site--which machine it was, because each desk at Apple has a slightly different grain.

You might imagine that when the developers got home, they could at least tell their loved ones about their experience. Apparently not. The developers claim that if they had, there might have been dire consequences.

Such as what, you might wonder? Who knows, perhaps a former San Jose police department employee might knock on your door and ask to use the restroom. Or something.