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Hire a PayPal poet without anyone knowing it

A new PayPal service lets you order a custom-written poem for your paramour just in time for Valentine's Day. Crave writer Michael Franco tells you all about it in partial verse.

PayPal poets are standing by...

This is the tale of a CNET writer
who used up all his brains
writing about Batman, Mars, and planes.

With Valentine's Day near,
He needed something for his dear
So he searched the Net in vain(s).

Then one day he found it,
PayPal's poems on demand...
An actual poet at his command!

So he logged on to the site
Hoping for some verse that might
Create a Valentine most grand.

A poet was nowhere to be found,
And the writer considered buying a card
But instead he left a note for a bard.

He entered his wife's name
Some details about the dame
And watched his e-mail like a hungry St. Bernard
(For, um, the poem to arrive).

In case you can't sort out the story that's buried here in my dazzling verse, let me try it a more traditional way.

PayPal is offering a free poem service called #poemgrams to anyone who doesn't have the time or (like me) the talent to pen a poem for their paramour. Just shoot on over to the site, and, if you're lucky, you'll connect via live chat with one of 12 poets who will create some verse on demand. Otherwise, if no one's available, you fill out a form, indicate your desired tone (funny, sappy, serious), and give a few details, which can, according to the site, include "a significant place, what makes your Valentine special, or a nickname."

The poem is meant to arrive in your inbox in 24 to 48 hours. Once you receive your very own ode, you're free to tip the poet who created the verse via PayPal. After that, you're free to engage in that long-held Cyrano de Bergerac fantasy you've been harboring.

(Via Business Insider)