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Glenn Beck threatens to fire staff who buy eco-friendly lightbulbs

The famed entertainer believes that global warming is "a load of socialist, communist crap." So no fluorescent lightbulbs and definitely no recyclable spoons.

He's not going to take that global warming baloney any more.
RWWBlog/YouTube Screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

We've known for some time that there is a war for our minds.

But there's also a vast battle for our sense of illumination.

We are not being enlightened. We are being kept in the dark by weaselly eco-soldiers of fortune.

Famed sense-talker and entertainer Glenn Beck has decided to thrust a stake in the ground and a sword in the air to declare that -- at least in his media conglomerate -- he will not have any of this global warming talk.

He will not have some leftie-leaning, lily-livered administrator buying eco-friendly lightbulbs.

Speaking on his pulsating show, Beck instructed his assistant: "I fire the person who starts to purchase fluorescent lightbulbs."

He did allow a tiny caveat that there might, just might, be some peculiarly specific (but not necessarily scientific) reason why such a lightbulb would be necessary. He wants to know in advance what this reason might be.

"Recyclable spoons are never to be purchased in this company again," he continued.

He also instructed another employee called Stu to send out a memo that says: "Global warming is a pile of crap."

He clarified this statement by explaining what sort of crap global warming actually is: "A load a socialist, communist crap."

Yes, that most dangerous sort.

Who cannot marvel at Beck's eco-resistance? This is not a man who believes that recycled toilet paper is necessary for the detritus that might emerge from those soiled by eco-nonsense.

He says the things that few dare utter.

Of course, some might say that few would dare utter them because they're a load of bloviating bilge, emerging from the mouth of a manipulator of the mushroom-shaded.

I would love to have an opinion on that, but I have to spend my morning shoveling my dead leaves into the green garbage can, my dead magazines into the blue garbage can, and my leftover food into this strange green-and-beige-lunchbox that hangs from the green garbage can.

It's funny, when these garbage cans were delivered to my door (I didn't ask for them), the price of my garbage collection went up $50 per quarter.