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Funny or Die explains the new Apple ad: iPhone is your boyfriend

In a riveting reworking of the slightly unctuous new Apple ad, Funny or Die offer the deeper truths hidden with it.

She loves it. She really loves it.
Funny or Die Screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

You've probably not been the same since you saw the latest Apple ad.

It's helped you understand your indispensable place in the world, your iPhone's indispensable place in your life, and Apple's indispensable place in American business.

For those who didn't quite get it, the folks at Funny or Die thought they'd rewrite the voiceover to make things a touch clearer.

"We spent a lot of time developing things so that you don't have to watch concerts you paid for," explains the very level voice of Apple reason.

Ultimately, you are the person who hates experiencing anything for yourself. Why talk to children when you can let them play with an iPad?

"When you visit exotic places, do you find it boring unless you've been obnoxious?" the voiceover asks, over the troubling shot of the white man in Asia desperate to play with his iPad, rather than talk with locals.

I fear it won't just be Androiders and Softies who find this terribly amusing.

Apple's recent ads have tended to glory in the notion not merely that playing with your iGadget is preferable to anything else, but that there is no such thing as an experience without your iPhone or iPad.

You're not human unless you're photographing everything with your iPhone.

Then there's Generation Me-Me-Me La-La-La, which cannot perform any human motion without white headphones stuck in their ears.

"You may never find a boyfriend, but you don't need one. You've got a phone," soothes the voice.

And in that phone you can make believe that you have 10 boyfriends and you will get a real job one day.