Technically Incorrect offers a slightly twisted take on the tech that's taken over our lives.
You go to a soccer game to shout, scream and bemoan life's cruel fates.
You do not go to a soccer game to take pictures of your shrieking face.
However, as soon as selfie sticks became the narcissist's gadget-du-jour, you can imagine that people began taking their sticks to games.
Thankfully, two rival British soccer clubs have expressly told fans to leave their selfie sticks beneath their "Star Wars" posters at home.
Spurs and Arsenal, whose fans love each other like Fox and MSNBC, have both issued statements to inquiring fans explaining where people should stick their selfie sticks.
In Arsenal's case, it offered this statement: "The club's ground regulations prohibit any object that could be used as a weapon or could compromise public safety."
Some might interpret this as polite British language, meaning: "What kind of nincompoop takes a bloody long stick to a game so that they can take a picture of their ugly mug?"
Spurs, it seems, had to wait for fans to point out the menace before making its decision. Its statement read: "The decision has been taken following complaints from our supporters on the grounds of safety."
As the Daily Mail reports, there's a certain schizophrenia among British soccer clubs. Some actually sell branded selfie sticks in their club stores. Only two Premier League clubs, however, Everton and Swansea, haven't come out with an express ban.
Soccer clubs have come to realize that certain gadgets are not a boon to the general fan experience. Manchester United, for example, banned iPads from its stadium. It used the beautiful excuse: "Security intelligence." This I interpreted as: "No one with intelligence and a modicum of mental security would bring a bloody iPad to a game. Would they?"
There's currently no word, however, on how these clubs feel about the belfie stick. This possibly apocryphal product claims to make photographing your behind much less of a pain in the bottom.
I worry, though, that these clubs are fighting a losing battle against the technological tsunami that awaits.
One day soon, everyone will be wearing cosmic headbands, wristbands, insane watches and very silly glasses to stay connected. These will, no doubt, have all sorts of discreet, extendable physical extensions which will allow for the perfect self-regarding photography.
Please imagine the day when you're at the game, your team scores a wonderful goal and you don't notice, because you're too busy seeking the perfect angle for your puffy little cheeks.