The day after St. Patrick's Day, a young woman has to take a random breathalyzer test. She passes. She goes on Facebook to say she'd actually been drinking. Guess what happens next.
We chronicle here the postings of real humans on Facebook in order to offer humor for our descendants.
They will see that criminals taunted the police, mothers shamed their daughters, and speeders tried to find someone to take the rap for them. Yes, all on Facebook.
I am delighted, therefore, to add another chapter to the annals of Facebook faux pas.
As Detroit's WDIV-TV reports, 22-year-old Colleen Chudney was on probation for a 2012 drunk-driving offense.
Part of that probation required her to refrain from enjoying alcohol.
This is hard to do when it comes to holy drinking occasions, such as St. Patrick's Day. Worse for Chudney, she was asked to take a random breathalyzer test in Westland, Mich., the following day.
The good news: she passed. The less good news: she went on Facebook to reveal she'd actually been drinking.
I know, I know. You're wondering if she should have done that.
But social media isn't something you control, especially Facebook. It's something that controls you. It's a demand placed on you by society to contribute.
So Cudney wrote: "Buzz killer for me, I had to breathalyze this morning and I drank yesterday but I passed thank god lol my dumba@@."
Ah, we all try to leave our dumbness behind us, but it catches up to us like a puppy that just won't go away.
Stunningly, news of her Facebook post quickly got back to the probation office. Indeed, a probation officer called her to congratulate her on her honesty.
Well, not exactly. He wondered if she might pop back in to take a urine test. Cudney hung up the phone. This, again, was not the wisest move, as it's a violation of her probation.
Now she might face up to 93 days in jail. Which is unfortunate, given that her probation was due to end in a few weeks' time.
Facebook is, manifestly, more dangerous than smoking. The effects of the latter can creep up on you. The effects of the former can strike you within minutes.
Now Cudney must go back to court and contemplate the consequences of her self-expression.
Hers may be only one example, but I feel sure of this: It won't change anyone else's Facebook behavior in the slightest.