When a TV network asks you if you're ready for some football, it churns out some country crossover artist who croons with beige abandon.
However, as a new NFL season is almost upon us (please forgive me, preseason games just don't exist), EA Sports has decided to herald the coming of Madden season with a madness that borders on the glorious.
Here is Kevin Hart, five parts heretical, ninety-five parts maniacal. Here is Dave Franco, fresh from seducing girls on Tinder, shedding his outer nice-guy and baring his inner gamer.
And here are the essences of true competition expressed with a genuine lunacy and an exuberance that the mainstream cannot match.
It all ends in Madden 15 -- out August 26 -- being played in a stadium of the frenzied and the insane arena of the mind.
The Niners might be playing the Seahawks, but it's really Hart against Franco, his girlfriend gone, his house on fire, but his mind utterly focused.
The person who isn't moved by this has no feelings at all.