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Dancing With Bill Nye: 'It was like being waxed'

Sadly, the Science Guy's first attempt to impress the judges on the ABC series "Dancing With The Stars" elicited the criticism that his dancing was painful, but lovely when it was over.

AccessHollywood/YouTube Screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

The nerd went for the sexual angle. Well, don't they always?

In the pre-dance package on ABC's "Dancing With The Stars," Bill Nye declared that he and his partner, Tyne Stecklein, were to be called "Hot Knowledge."

As they rehearsed, he expounded to her that the best couples enjoyed "sexual tension."

His partner wasn't caught hook, Stecklein and sinker. It was, I fear, only the last part.

Though he professes himself an enthusiastic swing dancer, Nye's pendulum had to waft over to the cha-cha.

Tech history in the 17 seasons of this show was not on his side. Mark Cuban and Steve Wozniak had both tried manfully but left with their tails between their dancing feet.

Taking his turn among the athletes, the actors, and the aspiring has-beens, Nye's cha-cha didn't even have the dynamics of a choo-choo.

All lanky angles, he looked like a praying mantis on ecstasy.

His role during the dance was the Mad Professor. Instead, he seemed merely to profess madness.

The judges tried to be kind and largely failed.

"It was like being waxed. Painful while it happened and lovely when it was over," began head judge Len Goodman.

"You're willing, but you're not that able," he added.

Judge Bruno Tonioli accused Nye of plucking his partner. Judge Carrie-Ann Inaba gave him hope. She called him "the heart of the show."

The heart of the matter is, sadly, that Nye seems not to have the matter to swing a long run.

Out of a possible 30, he managed a mere 14 points, the lowest score of the night.

I fear that, unless techies and acolytes pour in the votes, the end may already be Nye.