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Better than Scientology? The new Zuckerberg-based religion

An anonymous Craigslist poster seeks collaborators for a new religion based on the life and works of the Facebook CEO.

Will he preach to the converted? Open Compute Project/YouTube screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

If you live in the Bay Area and suddenly, momentarily, lose your self-belief, there is always a religion to pick you up.

You have a choice of either the established organizations, with their ornate meeting places, or you have the more modern faiths, which might have as their foundation anything from cult personalities to science fiction entities.

I am pleased, therefore, to add one more new religion to your list of uplifting potentials.

This, unearthed by SFist, involves following the teachings, wisdoms, and social skills of Mark Zuckerberg.

There's no evidence that the Facebook CEO is personally involved in this spiritual enterprise. It's hard, though, not to be moved by its intentions.

In a Craiglist posting, an anonymous believer offers this committed headline: "Seeking collaborators for Mark Zuckerberg based start-up religion."

Should you be wondering whether this is mere nonsense, let me tell you that there is no equivocation to this vocation. This new religion will have "Mark Zuckerberg as its God."

The poster continues: "I enjoy spirituality but find all the religions out there boring and want to create a new religion that's not boring and just like a religion that I would enjoy believing in."

This is what all the old, crusty faiths fail to appreciate. Believing isn't enough. You have to enjoy believing.

Too many believers have somber selves and furrowed faces. Then look at famed Scientologist Tom Cruise. He's positively leaping on sofas where his religion is concerned.

The Church of the Zuckerberg would, according to the poster, have the great man as "the Avatar of Jehova, the creator of our universe. In this religion our universe is a simulated matrix world almost like a computer game and humans are all like computer game characters compared to God."

There's a certain reality in this image. The great God Zuckerberg has, indeed, persuaded all humans to become characters in his game of Facebook.

The new church recognizes the sprawling power of Facebook, too: "The religion has many different Gods and Goddesses, so while the main God is Zuckerberg who is identified as being the Avatar of Biblical creator God Jehova there are Goddesses in his life such as Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook's COO, who in this religion is Minerva, the Goddess of Skill and Strategy."

And not just in this religion, surely. She has been the Lean-In Tower of Facebook ever since she arrived.

She is not alone, however, in being a Goddess. Another is: "Ashley Arenson who is this girl that Mark Zuckerberg had a crush on in high school who rejected him because she thought he was too nerdy for her, and she is Venus, the Goddess of Love and Beauty."

The whole detailed, marvelously tempting Craiglist post is worth reading.

The poster claims, just as Zuckerberg did when he started, that he's doing it for fun.

However, if you look carefully, there's a little box that details compensation offered to collaborators: "Equity in start-up/pay if we make any money."

That's the celestial purpose of a modern day start-up religion: billions of followers and billions of dollars.