Samsung fans are old dudes who like computer programming and toilet jokes, and Apple fans are women who buy things they don't need. That's according to an online tool profiling people with different interests, the results of which we present here for your edification and amusement.
YouGov Profiles helps companies learn more about their target audience using data from market research undertaken in the UK by YouGov, an Internet-based market research firm founded in 2002. Despite its name, YouGov is not a government or non-profit body.
YouGov stresses that the profiler tool doesn't show a "typical" member of any group. Instead, distinctive traits are drawn from comparisons within similar groups -- fans of "Downton Abbey", for instance, are compared to anyone who has rated any TV shows -- to show you something interesting or unusual about the individual group in question. So for example, many football teams' fans are represented by a woman. That doesn't mean that most of that teams fans are female, but that when compared to fans of other teams, there are more women than you would expect.
Bearing all this in mind -- and readying an entire bucket of salt with which to take the results -- what does the profiler tell us about our fellow technology fans?
According to YouGov's data, British people who are interested in Samsung tend to be tabloid-reading males aged 40-59 with relatively neutral politics, working in transport, consulting or IT. They're polite but untidy, and they like DIY, computer programming, and toilet humour. Their favourite sports are ski jumping and acrobatic gymnastics, and they're most likely to own a fish as a pet.
They follow comedian John Bishop or Jerry Springer-style TV star Jeremy Vine on Twitter; they watch "Countryfile", "Star Trek: The Next Generation" and the "Police Academy" films; and their favourite celebrities include Reese Witherspoon, Elizabeth Taylor and, er, Rex Harrison.
Other brands appreciated by Samsung fans include Tesco, HP, LG, Sky, Sony and Gucci.
Android fans tend to be left-leaning males under 25, driving a Nissan around Scotland or Wales and working in IT but having less than £125 to spend each month. They describe themselves as kind and calming but also on occasion needy and nerdy. Android fans are keen on Motorola, TK Maxx, Intel and Twix bars. Their fave celebs include James Blunt and Rita Ora.
People who appreciate Google tend to be clever but neurotic, Doc Marten-wearing, London-based, male teachers or IT types. They like hiking, procrastinating and watching "Heroes" and "South Park", or listening to Lionel Richie.
According to the YouGov profiler, Apple fans tend to be high-earning women aged between 25 and 39 working in the media, advertising or publishing in London. They like exercising, fashion and going to restaurants. They enjoy watching "Home Alone", "Love Actually", "Sex and the City" and "Breaking Bad". They follow Adele on Twitter and their top celebs include Gary Barlow, Russell Brand and Simon Cowell.
These Apple fans describe themselves as clever, funny and confident; but also control-freaky, headstrong and insecure. They sometimes splash out on products they don't need, favouring brands including Hollister, BMW and Dyson.
Meanwhile, BlackBerry fans tend to be businessmen living in London and driving their Land Rover to posh supermarket Waitrose or TM Lewin, while listening to Fatboy Sim and thinking about gruff reality TV star Duncan Bannatyne and Renée Zellweger -- who knows, maybe even at the same time.