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Apple: Don't make nuclear weapons using iTunes

A mind-boggling clause is noticed by an eagle-eyed blogger in the iTunes agreement. Was Apple thinking of nuclear weapons that play Bieber as they explode?

2 min read
Please don't use our fine software for bad purposes. Or else. Apple/YouTube Screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

I've been feeling a little crabby this week.

People have been annoying me for seemingly no good reason. But it hasn't yet gotten to that stage where I want to build a nuclear weapon and set it upon them.

I mention this only because, should I reach that demented level, I cannot use iTunes in the manufacture of that weapon.

You see, I have an iTunes account. And, thanks to the diligent Jim Dalrymple at The Loop, I now realize that I have already agreed not to design or produce nuclear weapons with the help of Apple's melodious software.

The warning in the End User License Agreement comes after a warning that you mustn't export or re-export to "anyone on the U.S. Treasury Department's Specially Designated Nationals List or the U.S. Department of Commerce Denied Persons List or Entity List." I am not sure if this includes Edward Snowden.

This same Paragraph G goes on to say: "You also agree that you will not use these products for any purposes prohibited by United States law, including, without limitation, the development, design, manufacture or production of nuclear, missiles, or chemical or biological weapons."

I know that quite a few scientifically minded people read this blog. And, judging by the comments, there are also a few irascibly minded people too.

Perhaps, therefore, someone might suggest how on earth one could possibly use iTunes for such nefarious purposes.

Naturally, this revelation might also cause many to wonder whether they've agreed not to create genetically modified exploding marsupials using Microsoft Word.

It could be that, in some flickering, hurried moment, you've also agreed not to produce stealth bombers with the help of Instagram. Or even laser guns using Twitter.

The possibilities are truly limitless. (I have embedded a CNET recording of Richard Dreyfuss reading some of the Apple License Agreement, to relax you.)

That's why we have lawyers -- to protect us from other people, of course. But most of all, to protect us from ourselves.