Early Prime Day Deals Roe v. Wade Overturned Surface Laptop Go 2 Review 4th of July Sales M2 MacBook Pro Deals Healthy Meal Delivery Best TVs for Every Budget Noise-Canceling Earbuds Dip to $100

Apocalypse vow: Introducing the $3K social media wedding concierge

The W Hotel in New York knows that happy couples need to ensure all their social media sites have breaking updates of their nuptials. So, it offers them a specialist for that very purpose.

"Babe, I hope this looks good on Facebook." TimAlanSmithNYCVideo/YouTube screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

It used to be that you married just your spouse.

You married into their family and, depending on how extended that family was, most of them came to the wedding.

In the Age of Sharing, however, your marriage is a world event. It needs to be disseminated, far and wide, long and short, pictures and words.

This can be far too much for a couple needing to administer so many other arrangements, such as pink or champagne for bridesmaids dresses and local strip club or four nights in Vegas for the bachelor party.

The W Hotel in New York understands this. It knows that if it's to satisfy the betrothed moderns, it must fulfill all their social needs.

So it has created the concept of the social media wedding concierge. This talented and much sought-after individual will, as the Huffington Post reports, take care of all the happy couple's needs. From the hotel's PR release, these include:

"Live tweeting of the ceremony and reception; Instagram photos and videos and Vine videos; Curating a unique wedding #hashtag; Encouraging guests to utilize hashtag and handles as they post to social media; Set up and maintenance of Wedding Blog before and after the big day; Curating registry wish list and dream honeymoon Pinterest boards to inspire couple; Wedding social media recap for the couple - a Shutterfly book complete with social media highlights from the planning process and a collage of the best tweets and Instagrams sent during the wedding."

At this point, you must have encountered your true ignorance.

You had no idea that a wedding required so many social aspects to be covered. You had no clue how much shame might rain down upon you, should you have failed to address each and every one of these issues.

Imagine if you had forgotten to be inspired by a dream honeymoon Pinterest board. Your wedding would have resembled nothing more than a Friday night piss-up.

And if you had failed to create a Shutterfly book, you would be ostracized not only from your own subdivision or apartment building. It is likely that you would have been defriended by thousands of Facebookers overnight.

The W Hotel is there to save you from this plight, one that could involve you having to emigrate to remote parts.

How, then, could such a service not be worth the $3,000 that the hotel is requesting?

The W Hotels' global social media strategist, Alyssa Kiefer, is confident that society will accept this. She told Fast Company: "To some, this may seem a bit over the top and we're okay with that. We're sure couples balked at the idea of traditional wedding planners years ago and now you wouldn't think of planning a wedding without one."

New York exists to be over the top. That's so it doesn't have to consider what it's like to be grounded, normal, and compos mentis.

How dare critics deny those who might place their wedding announcement in The New York Times the opportunity to have the writing of this wedding announcement filmed and posted to every social media site other than MySpace?

Think of the Likes it would get. Think of the retweets. Think of the whatever-it-ises-you-get-on-Pinterest.

Social media is about winning at all costs. New York is about winning at all costs.

The W Hotel's social media wedding concierge is clearly a bargain for the ages.