I'm thinking about having my name legally changed from Skinny to Sickly.
Yes, I have yet another cold. The rumor I'm spreading about this one is
that it's the result of germ warfare by a competing news organization. A redoubtable
reporter from that paper's West Coast bureau, an old Attrition Valley high
school chum, embraced me warmly as we met on Market Street, and
informed of his horrid virus. Twenty-eight hours later
I was holed up in my Vegas hotel room assiduously applying an old DuBaud
As a cure for the cold, take your toddy to bed. Put one fedora at the
foot, and drink until you see two.
I'm not sure how I got back from Nevada, but from what my colleagues tell
me I didn't miss much on the floor. The buzz on the cell (my only contact
with the world outside the Riviera) was that it ain't like the good old
days. Attendance is down by all accounts, including a random poll taken on
the Strip that revealed that 100 percent of the cab drivers think business
is off from prior events. Both cabbies surveyed were disgusted. Worse, the
party scene is tamer, one five-year Comdex vet and party animal
reported. She noted that PC Week cut back the number of
tickets from 1,500 last year to 900. The grinch that stole ZD's
Christmas apparently nabbed Comdex while he was at it.
I realize this may sound improbable, but the real action at Comdex was in
the love department--and we're not talking AdultDex, either. Not only did
Dennis Rodman finally get
hitched (while simultaneously applying the DuBaud family cold remedy),
but domesticity diva Martha
Stewart was sighted at the show--and she wasn't there looking to wire
her kitchen with a T-1. Word is she has a thing going with some
Microsoft person (as improbable as that
may seem). So who's the lucky Redmondian? "Now, as you know there are not too
many, uh, how do you say?--mature gentlemen working at Microsoft..."
is the only hint my Skinformant will drop.
Well, I've had it with Las Vegas this year. I'm much more interested in
what's going on in Mountain View. Has Marc Andreessen had it with
Skinformants say my News.com colleagues missed the full
story this week when reporting that the Web's own boy wonder was taking his
eight-week sabbatical to get some R 'n' R. Andreessen's corporate eye,
they point out, has wandered as of late from the firm he helped found.
Not only has he recently unloaded enough
Netscape stock to buy a whole house in the Bay Area, but he also has sunk a chunk of
change into a digital TV set-top box start-up. All this adds up to whispers
in Netscape's engineering department that if Marc returns in January as
scheduled, it won't be for long...
Meanwhile, there were whispers at the DuBaud dinner table that Mr.
Andreessen has been shedding more than just NSCP shares.
"He has definitely lost weight," opined Ammonia Blossom, classmate
and paramour of my 12-year-old son Vermel, after we watched
Andreessen do his talking head act on the tellie.
"Nonsense, Ammonia, people always look thinner on television," I replied.
"Wrong again, Skinny," she retorted. "They look fatter on TV. So
that means he's lost even more weight."
"Calista, eat your Flocking-hart out," quipped Vermel, whom I subsequently sent to
Sometimes I think we watch too
much television in this household. But Ammonia, whose dog-eared copy of
the Liz Taylor diet classic Liz Takes Off occupies a proud
place on her bookshelf next to her copy of Fat Is a Feminist Issue,
was firm on her point. I promised her I would get the skinny on this
Turns out that Marc has been working out! Now that's one weight-loss
technique I've never tried. As I've mentioned, I've lost a few pounds
myself since launching Skinny Labs with complaints of InterButt,
and I find that nothing works better than--you guessed it--the DuBaud
family cold remedy.
On a recent trip to the hardware store, I heard that Acer is finally
getting in on the LCD act. A Skinformant reports that Hitachi will
tie-up with Acer to make active-matrix (super-duper high-quality) LCDs
early next year. Adding grist to this rumor mill is that Acer, one of the
largest electronics manufacturers in the world, this year signed an
agreement to get LCD technology from IBM.
Vermel's just had t-shirts made up that read, "My Dad went to Comdex and all I got was this flocking cold." Cheer the kid up--send us a rumor.