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An open letter to Tina Fey regarding Twitter

Following the "30 Rock" star's rant against the banality of tweeting, Crave's Eric Mack pleads with the comedian to reconsider joining the Twitterverse.

Eric Mack Contributing Editor
Contributing editor Eric Mack covers space, science, climate change and all things futuristic. His encrypted email for tips is ericcmack@protonmail.com.
Eric Mack
2 min read
Fey says she's never used Twitter and most people are too boring to be tweeting. Screenshot by Eric Mack/CNET

In a recent video clip posted on NBC's Web site, epic funny woman Tina Fey ranted against the banality of Twitter, declaring that users should be required to apply to her for a license to tweet (scroll down to watch the whole video).

I'm a fan of literally everything Tina Fey has ever done, and the fact that she is apparently so completely wrong about Twitter is threatening the very fabric of my universe. So I drafted this open letter to Ms. Fey in an attempt to reestablish an essential balance in the world.

Ms. Fey,

Eric Mack from Crave/CNET here. First off, I'm a huge fan of your body of work, even the reality shows with your other family in Alaska that must make your travel schedule quite hectic.

Now, if you can excuse my opening this letter with a vague 5-year-old reference, I'd like to get to what compels me to compose this open letter. 

It's about Twitter. More specifically, it's about you and Twitter.

I get your beef. Most people's lives are too boring to require constant updates on various dermatological conditions or an endless stream of photos of appetizers (the "awesome blossom" has not felt as such since 2006).

When we were younger, the notion that a platform for saying whatever we want to the world in only two lines would become a major part of the pop culture seemed about as likely as Victoria Jackson becoming... uh, whatever it is she's become.

But the thing is that it's really easy to mute the boring people on Twitter, and it's by far the most efficient means of tapping into the zeitgeist -- another somewhat irritating and often pointless concept, but one of undeniable utility to comedy slingers such as yourself. 

Also, you'll want to make an exception to any rule against tweeting pictures of food after you follow @WaffleHouse. Who knew bacon could be so beautiful? 

Oh screw it, I'll just come right out and say it -- you and Twitter belong together. You were made for each other.

The rapid-fire one liners in each episode of "30 Rock" are like tweets from humor heaven. And vocabulary like "lizzing" and "adorkable" just beg to have a "#" slapped in front of them. 

Of course, the truth is that all of these things already get plenty of love on Twitter. In fact, a certain corner of the Twitterverse typically becomes your biggest fan site for a period after each new episode of "30 Rock," at least until a Kardashian opens her mouth somewhere five minutes later. We could use your help with some Twitter license revocations there.

I hope to receive your response soon, in 140 characters, of course. I'm at @EricCMack, but I'd also be willing to meet at @WaffleHouse.

Here's Tina's video rant on Twitter: