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Yamaha FX Cruiser SVHO

Yamaha's $16,000 FX Cruiser SVHO can go 70 mph. Standing still.

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Yamaha FX Cruiser SVHO

There's a phone cubby, but mine didn't fit.

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Hairmax

Hairmax's laser hair growth system costs $800.

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Hairmax

Results are not guaranteed.

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Custom cases

For when rose gold isn't distinguished enough. Left: Logo in Sapphires, $10,000. Right: Leopard print in gold, $8,000.

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Custom cases

Phone cases made from slaughtered animals cost $200 and up, and include python, stingray and ostritch.

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Gamut

Gamut Audio out of Denmark makes expensive audio gear.

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Gamut

And chairs. Here's me learning the whole system costs $60,000.

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iRobotics 7

Luraco's $8,500 iRobotics 7 massage chair is so good, I stayed in it until I turned 80. And female.

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Scoot in style

Vespas are known as cheap wheels, but not the $11,000 Armani 946.

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Piaggio MP3

The three-wheeled Piaggio MP3 goes for $8,000. I call it Robotface.

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Ninebot

If one wheel's enough for you, hop on a $800 Ninebot. For liability reasons, they wouldn't let me :(

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Virzoom

Virtual reality pedaling with the $400 Virzoom bike is my speed.

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Virzoom

Dive Pegasus!

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Blueair

Blueair's aware air-quality cleaner and monitor cleans up stink for $700.

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Blueair

Results not guaranteed.

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Astell & Kern

Astell & Kern's all-copper high-res audio player with headphone amp bathes your ears in $5,000 worth of heavy metal. Or Steely Dan.

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HyperSound Clear speakers

Say what? Turtle Beach's HyperSound Clear speakers, designed to help people with hearing loss, start at $1,500.

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AKG N90Q

The $1,500 AKG N90Q active noise-canceling self-calibrating cans sound so good, I grew a beard (and got 10 years younger).

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Snouza Pico

The Snouza Pico monitor asks $150 to reassure you your kid is still alive. Or breathing, at least.

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Oura

The $280 Oura ring monitors sleep patterns.

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Oura

The app then suggests stuff like "get more sleep."

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Fiera

If too much sleep IS the problem, Fiera's "arouser for her" is one possible solution.

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Fiera

The arouser applies suction and stimulation to her clitoris. It's $250. I have nothing else to say.

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BMW i8

At $140,000, the BMW i8 is a somewhat larger investment in arousal.

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BMW i8

I was just happy they let me sit inside.

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Flynn!

Thanks for letting me play with all the luxury gadgets, RJ Mitte of "Breaking Bad"! Sure was fun.

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