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Christmas Gift Guide

How to insult people like a satanic systems architect

Mass Effect 3 burn

The jacket

Natural selection

Sick hat burn

Gilfoyle is not Dinesh

On the internet

Swipe-right burn

IPO burn

Princess code

'It's not magic, it's talent and sweat'

Transfer crack

Your shame is my paradise

'Minority Report' burn

Two-faced burn

'O.J., for short'

'I couldn't remember your mother's name.​'

Don't mess with his servers

Are you a fan of HBO's "Silicon Valley"? Perhaps you're just a cranky tech person who needs a good laugh from a sick burn. Either way, these quotes from our favorite fictional network engineer are here to help.

"While you were busy minoring in gender studies and singing a cappella at Sarah Lawrence, I was gaining root access to NSA servers. I was one click away from starting a second Iranian revolution."

Season 3 of "Silicon Valley" is released on DVD in the UK on 10 April

Caption by / Photo by HBO

"He's as pointless as Mass Effect 3's multiple endings. I mean, he's a completely useless appendage, and we all know it."

Caption by / Photo by HBO

"If my mother was naked and dead in the street, I would not cover her body with that jacket."

Caption by / Photo by HBO

"If you're the CEO of a company, and you're dumb enough to leave your log-in info on a Post-it note on your desk, while the people that you ripped off are physically in your office, it's not a hack. It's barely social engineering.

"It's more like natural selection."

Caption by / Photo by HBO

Dinesh: "Did you see that? She gave me her hat."

Gilfoyle: "Pretend you've seen a woman before."

Caption by / Photo by HBO

"I tried to make it slow. I really did. But I'm not Dinesh. It's very difficult for me to do sh---- work."

Caption by / Photo by HBO

"The internet -- heard of it? Transfers half a petabyte of data every minute. Do you have any idea how that happens?"

Caption by / Photo by HBO

Dinesh: "Look who just right-swiped me on Tinder. Karen. She's cute."

Gilfoyle: "Says here that she's looking for a man on the go. You don't 'go' anywhere."

Caption by / Photo by HBO

"If you worked half as hard on the platform as you do trying to ogle strange Slavic women, maybe our shares would finally be worth something."

Caption by / Photo by HBO

"Why don't you go inside and write some princess code? Leave the hardware up to us servants."

Caption by / Photo by HBO

"All those YouPorn ones and zeroes streaming directly to your sh---- little smartphone day after day, every dipsh-- who sh--- his pants if he can't get the new dubstep Skrillex remix in under 12 seconds? It's not magic, it's talent and sweat."

Caption by / Photo by HBO

"No one is cracking our transfer... not some rogue nuclear state, not Sk3wl of R00t. No one."

Caption by / Photo by HBO

"Let me put this in terms you'll understand: I'm like a suicide bomber of humiliation. I'm happy to go out as long as I take you with me. Your shame is my paradise."

Caption by / Photo by HBO

Dinesh: "This is amazing. I feel like I'm in 'Minority Report.'"

Gilfoyle: "And in reality, you're just a minority."

Caption by / Photo by HBO

Dinesh: "Well, I'm going to leave this room without saying goodbye to you."

Gilfoyle: "I'm sure you can find your way out with one of your two faces."

Caption by / Photo by HBO

Dinesh: "O.J., for short."

Gilfoyle: "You should be flattered. O.J. Simpson is one of the most recognizable people on the face of the planet."

Caption by / Photo by HBO

Dinesh: "Yeah, I still can't believe you gave the servers a man's name."

Gilfoyle: "Sorry, I couldn't remember your mother's name."

Caption by / Photo by HBO

"My servers could handle 10 times the traffic if they weren't busy apologizing for your sh-- codebase."

Caption by / Photo by HBO
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