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Christmas Gift Guide
Culture

This obnoxious birthday card will drive you totally crazy

Become the most-hated gift giver in history by bestowing on your buddies an electronic singing birthday card that won't shut up.

Joker card
It looks so nice and classy from the front. Travis Peterson and Nick Peterson

There are thoughtful birthday gifts and then there are birthday gifts born out the bubbling cauldron of hell. The Joker Birthday Card falls into the latter category. A Kickstarter project exists to put the card into production to transform the celebrations of birthday boys and girls everywhere from joyous occasions into endless audio experiences tinged with loathing and resentment.

The Joker card pretty much does two things. It wishes the recipient happy birthday, and it plays a jaunty birthday song when a button inside is triggered. That doesn't sound so bad. Except this card doesn't stop. It plays for hours until the battery dies or until it is physically destroyed.

The card doesn't play the familiar "Happy Birthday" melody we all know, but rather a poppy version of birthday wishes full of bubbly vocals and an upbeat tempo that could have been recorded by the Partridge Family. I dare you to watch the project video and not get that song stuck in your head. If your friend tries to stop the insanity by pressing the button, it actually makes the volume go up.

The battery is promised to last for 3 hours or more. The creators say a prototype card went for nearly 5 hours. You can watch the whole maddening video of it playing on loop in case you want to slowly drive yourself into a self-imposed frenzy of lunacy.

A single card is going for $15 (about £10, AU$20), with discounts for multiples. The highest-level package only ships in the US, but if you're only ordering 1 to 10 cards, it's to ship "anywhere in the world." The project has a $7,500 goal and is over $5,800 toward that with 26 days left to run. As far as works of pure evil go, at least it's a very funny one (so long as you're not the recipient).

Joker card inside
Don't push the button! You'll regret it! Travis Peterson and Nick Peterson