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Culture

The candidates get spoofed, but are they Excited?

If Larry Ellison can go on Oprah looking for a wife, then I can too.

    If Larry Ellison can go on Oprah looking for a wife, then I can too. Sure, I'm not a billionaire, nor am I particularly good-looking. But friends tell me that my look--schlumpy with an edge--is so out it's in. My only problem is broadcasting my message. Of course I have this column, but, let's face it, the Rumor Mill is not Oprah.

    My son Vermel has suggested a more apt method of putting out the DuBaud vibe might be to set up my own channel on PointCast or Marimba Castanet. When it comes to mate-seeking, push is more effective than pull, Vermel advised.

    I'm seeking a mate, but Excite's customers are seeking more features. The Net searcher offers a slimmed down version of its engine for individual Web sites, called Excite for Web Servers. But some of the sites that have installed EWS are ticked off that Excite has continued to beef up its global search engine while holding back innovations from the mini-version.

    A different kind of excitement swept Net surfers last week. I received a handful of hysterical emails from users claiming that the Dole and Clinton Web sites had been hacked. It turns out that the sites in question--www.dole96.org and www.clintongore96.com--were actually not hacked, but rather spoofs of the campaign sites on entirely separate sites with authentic-sounding URLs. The real campaign sites--www.dole96.com and www.clintongore96.org--were alive and unhacked last time I checked. (The campaign sites may have been sound, but I did receive an apocryphal "personalized" post card from Senator Dole himself.)

    I hear the CEO of Artisoft may get hacked soon. But even though the company's stock and financials have been in the dumps for months and the company recently announced layoffs of 15 percent, my spies tell me that CEO William Keiper will get a glorious golden parachute. Keiper may get as much as a million bucks for his troubles before Artisoft sends him packing later this year. For my troubles, I should get a date with a beautiful, tolerant woman. Does that sound reasonable to you? For now, I'll settle for a rumor instead.