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Sci-Tech

Campaign aims to shrink porn stars, inject them into another person

Filming a skin flick under the skin of another person is the dream of a porn site that has apparently abducted Eric Mack's sense of 1980s sci-fi nostalgia.

innerspace.jpg
One porn site hopes "Innerspace" could be its next filming location. Warner Bros. Pictures

A porn site is hoping to crowdfund $2 billion to create the technology to miniaturize two aspiring porn stars and inject them into another human being, where they will then have sex and film it.

Yes, I know, there's an awful lot of insanity to unpack from that summary. When a publicist for Fapdu, the porn site behind the Indiegogo campaign, sent me a link and asked if I had any questions, I responded that I had only one query: WTF?

It was crazy enough when an Indiegogo campaign sought to blast porn stars into space, or when another launched to raise billions in just a few weeks to pay off part of Greece's debts, but this is really off the charts bonkers. In fact, I have to assume it's really about nothing more than stirring up some publicity for a porn site we've never heard of (no, really). Mission accomplished on that front, it seems.

And yet I can't help but be fascinated by a concept that marries the mad science from a favorite Rick Moranis franchise from my childhood ("Honey, I Shrunk the Kids) and a really underrated and bizarre Martin Short and Dennis Quaid movie ("Innerspace") from the same era with, uh... porn. It's a really unnerving combination of childhood nostalgia and bizarre sci-fi premise with the just flat weird and creepy perved-out notion of microscopic people having sex while floating around inside the body of another person.

How would they accomplish this, you ask? Who cares. Just insert whatever lame B movie technojabber you want about shrink rays, because it's not possible without, you know... killing the porn stars in question, at least not for $2 billion in 2015, if ever.

Keep in mind, I'm the guy who loves to pass on news about real-life light sabers and Star Trek communicators and even NASA's ongoing work on a potential warp drive, so when I tell you I have no faith in something so nifty-futuristic happening, hopefully that gives you a sense of how ridiculous it is.

But if you still think microscopic porn is the best thing since microgravity porn, and you happen to be an optimistic billionaire, you can go ahead and pony up just one of your billions to the crowdfunding campaign to hold your spot to be the person into whom the fictional future shrunken porn stars are inserted.

I know we're all excited that hoverboards are finally becoming a reality, but that doesn't mean we have to try to make every bad 1980s sci-fi movie trope real. That said, I am resigned to the fact that as futuristic concepts from my childhood become science fact, they'll eventually be co-opted by the porn industry. But it sure would be nice for these things to be achieved in the name of science first.