Technically Incorrect offers a slightly twisted take on the tech that's taken over our lives.
I am currently holding my breath. I fear, though, that my breath is holding me.
For I have just seen the light. Yes, the light that twinkles from Beyonce's wrist and says: "Bow down, as I display my new wares before your person."
Her new wares were worn in a scintillating photo on her own personal island of the Web. Her new wares are a gold Apple Watch, complete with a strap made of pink plastic.
I jest from my breathless, prone position, of course. The strap is golden. The links are golden. The effect is as if there is an attitude and an altitude that you will never reach.
But, wait. You'll be wondering only one thing: "Where can I get one of those gold straps, so daintily wrapped around Apple's new time(less)piece?"
You can't. Unless your first name happens to be Karl and your last Lagerfeld.
It's not merely that the gold Apple Watch Edition isn't for your average citizen. It's that even those who spend the $10,000-$17,000 on one of these things won't necessarily be able to have one of the goldy-locked straps.
This is reserved for the people who are so in that all they see is their inner in-ness.
I feel sure you realize that this is how fashion marketing goes. It's all about the tears and the tiers.
First there's scarcity, then exclusivity and then the supreme exclusivity afforded to those who can afford anything but can only be bothered to be seen with something no else has. Well, no one but Karl.
I have contacted Apple to ask just how, where, when and for how much you, dear reader, will be able to purloin Beyonce's bracelet. I will update, should the secret be spilled.
Meanwhile, I suggest you pop up to your attic and see if your dad has saved his old watches in a shoebox. You might find a gold strap that will fit perfectly.