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New Apple Watch ads: So cute, so cuddly, so get one (if you can)

Technically Incorrect: Apple releases some new ads for its timepiece. It's not a fashion item at all. It's all about love.

Technically Incorrect offers a slightly twisted take on the tech that's taken over our lives.


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Jennifer's heart beats for me? But my heart only beats for Lucy. Apple/YouTube screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

Did you really think the Apple Watch was a fashion item?

Yes, your Bey-Bey has a gold one with a special strap, but you're an ordinary mortal who believes that buying this item is a mere fashion statement.

Apple has fed you this thought. Friday, the alleged launch day, saw only the finest, most refined stores actually having them physically in-house. If it ain't in a boutique, it ain't unique.

They're clever, amorous types over in Cupertino, though. So on this very day they've also released some beautifully crafted ads to show you that, yes, the Apple Watch is chichi, but it's also a charming instrument of love for your she-she.

At least one does. We see couples sending each other cutesy messages of undying love -- well, "Hi," to be precise. We see kissing, cuddling and a heart pumping on a watch face. It's from Jennifer. The problem is his heart only beats for Lucy. (I made that last part up.)

The Apple Watch is personal. You are personal. Get personal with the watch and you will experience a new dimension of true love.


Another ad is almost equally romantic. We see people making sure they don't die shortly. At least, that's how I read it. If you die, you won't be able to experience love. Unless heaven is for real, of course. So don't die.

The Apple Watch here is telling an office worker when it's time to stand up to avoid thrombosis of some kind. And there are all sorts of people doing physical activity while wearing it about their wrist and being dictated to by their timepiece that's a lovepiece and a lifepiece.

"An Apple a Day Keeps a Heart Attack Away" is indeed a powerful sales message.

Actually, it's rather better than "The Watch is Here," which appears at the end of all these ads. "The Watch is Here at a Few Exclusive Stores That Make Us Feel Good About Our Chichiness and Frustrate the Hell Out Of You" would be a touch more apposite.

The last ad shows people getting ready for their days. Yes, the beginning of your day is when you'll (have to) decide whether to have Mickey Mouse on your watch face. It's also a time when your watch will make sure you're on time. Because Apple Watch wearers are successful. So let your watch drive you to work, motivationally speaking.

These are important decisions, people. This is your image at stake.

This is also your life at stake. If you lack love, are late and suddenly have high blood pressure, don't blame Apple. The company wants you to be happy. That is its sole goal.

Now, about that watch you preordered the minute you could and the delivery date is May 13-27.