Are you one of the 297 million Americans who has yet to start following Kim Kardashian on Twitter? Perhaps you'll be enticed to fly her way.
Or perhaps not. You see, on Tuesday, the astoundingly famous celebutante was flying from Los Angeles to New York.
Who knows what exciting project she was involved in. However, nothing could compare with her excitement at discovering the claim to fame of the chap sitting next to her.
As breathless as a groupie at a Julio Iglesias concert, she booted up her tweeting app (TweetGenius, for those who care) and sent this important message to her more than 3 million acolytes: "I'm on the airplane...love wifi! I am sitting next to an Air Marshall! Jim the air marshall makes me feel safe!"
I am not aware what Jim was doing to make her feel so safe. Perhaps he was brandishing his weapon. Perhaps he put his arm around her and told her he loved everyone on her family's wondrous reality show, save for the dreadful drunken Scott, her sister Kourtney's wayward beau. Perhaps he promised that he would deal with Scott on his return to LA.
You might be stunned beyond numbness to discover that not everyone was entirely amused with Kardashian's sweet tweet. Some Twitter posters offered a blast of aghast.
As twitterer PeaceLovePR so gently put it: "Common sense, anyone?"
There is, of course, nothing common about Kim. Not even her sense. So she seemed a little taken aback that someone might think she had, oh, you know, endangered the flight in some way.
"RELAX," she tweeted with confidence. "I just told u guys the Air Marshall is sitting next to me, highly doubt anyone is twittering like me on this flight! shhh."
She then added, helpfully: "Air Marshall's are supposed to keep their identity concealed. He did! I am just a private eye & assumed, so I asked him & he was honest!"
All undercover officers are honest, I find. Don't you?
Before taking her twittering in the direction of her new low-carb diet (and may I say that Kim's tweets reportedly retail at $10,000 a piece), Kardashian offered one final thought about her airborne spontaneity: "OK I hope I don't get in trouble...logging off now! xo"
Such is the force of fame's great gravity that one is surely left to wonder whether Jim the air marshal might be in for a little extra security training this week. In this tale of airborne confessional, which of the two protagonists really is the greater airhead?