Technically Incorrect offers a slightly twisted take on the tech that's taken over our lives.
I am strong. I am affectionate. And I am driven to prey on small creatures.
I know this because Microsoft has just told me so, and I (almost) always believe what Microsoft tells me.
In this case I've just been playing with the tech giant's latest facial recognition software, and it's lifted my heart.
Should you go to What-dog.net, you will find such glorious entertainment that your day will be complete. The site invites you to upload a picture, then it tells you what dog your (or someone else's) face is.
I am relieved Microsoft thinks I now have a face. The first experiment in this series -- How-old-net -- told me my face wasn't a face at all.
I faced the company down until it produced Project Oxford, which claimed to tell you what emotions your face projects. (I clapped along. I project happiness.)
Now with What-dog.net, I am a Staffordshire Bull Terrier.
Of course you can upload a picture of a dog and the app will recognize it. But where's the fun in that?
I uploaded my girlfriend's picture. Answer: Miniature Pinscher. Description: Thinks it's a giant; energetic; bossy but charming.
Let's sum it up. I am driven to prey on smaller creatures. My girlfriend is tiny, but thinks she's a giant.
I cannot even begin to tell you how wonderful this app is. It may be the most helpful piece of software ever created. It can explain so much that our own sad senses fail to even approach.
Donald Trump is a Siberian Husky. That might explain his deep respect for Vladimir Putin. Peyton Manning is a Golden Retriever. I didn't know Retrievers drank Budweiser. Miley Cyrus is an English Cocker Spaniel: Outgoing; needs to be told again and again.
Once you either download this app from the app store or merely play on the Web site, you will understand how little work means and how mundane most of the world has become.
Microsoft has created something uplifting and educational.
Congratulations, Satya Nadella, you who were raised to be pampered and have an imperial mindset and a surprisingly strong body for your size.
Yes, you are a Pekingese: