Technically Incorrect offers a slightly twisted take on the tech that's taken over our lives.
Now that CES is panting to a close, it's time to discuss weekend activities.
For those in need of respite after the desperate mooning at drones and shrieking at wearables, the weekend might involve some soothing. (A few minutes of) online pornography, perhaps.
Fortunately, I am on hand to bring you some data as to how your viewing proclivities compare with those of your fellow humans around the world.
This data for 2014 (totally SFW) has been massaged by PornHub, a site of which many will have heard. Embedded in these figures are many fascinating -- and perhaps even inexplicable -- nuances.
What does it say, for example, about the state of our world that the top category for women was "lesbian" and the top search for men was "teen"? Does it suggest deep yearnings? Does it suggest certain dissatisfactions?
How long, do you imagine, visitors stay viewing PornHub's wares? If you guessed 9 minutes and 16 seconds, you would be a genius. This is, indeed, the average time spent worldwide. The number one viewers of porn in the world live, of course, in the United States.
The champions of time spent are, however, the Nepalese, for whom an average sojourn amongst the moaning and groaning is 13 minutes and 39 seconds.
Perhaps in Azerbaijan, they are running scared of being caught. For they come for an average of 6 minutes and 26 seconds, the shortest duration in the world.
As for the US, the state with the longest average viewing time is Mississippi. Some might find pause for contemplation in the fact that of the top 10 states in duration, eight are in the south.
Why is it, do you suppose, that Monday is the most popular day for porn-viewing in the United States, while it's Friday in Australia? Is porn viewed as a cooling-down exercise in the former and a warming-up in the latter?
Moreover, who will be the first not to credit Kim Kardashian with the fact that the top gaining search term in the US is "big booty?" She really does put most tech marketers to shame.
The questions and intrigues rain down like footballers' dollars in a nightclub. Please analyze this for me: the most popular search term in Italy is "Italian." In Germany, it is "German." In France, it is "French." And in Australia, it is "lesbian."
But what technology does the world use in order to maximize its personal enjoyment? What's clear is that mobile has overtaken desktop, if only by one percentage point -- 45 percent to 44.
Should you seek your pleasure on a desktop, you are 83.3 percent likely to be doing it through Windows. A mere 11.5 percent use Mac OSX. Almost 50 percent of desktop browses are through Chrome. (Well, it's better for video, isn't it?)
But when it comes to mobile, you'll be thinking that Android and iOS would be outpacing the rest.
Well, Android has an almost 50 percent of PornHub views. iOS, while enjoying a 40.2 percent share, has seen its portion of the PornHub cake drop by 4.8 percent.
This is as Android's has risen by a healthy 10.9 percent. The biggest-growing mobile platform? Why, it's Windows with a 52.3 percent increase.
These figures are so stimulating that they offer an almost infinite perspective on the human condition.
With the College Football Championship game coming up on Monday, how will this affect porn viewing? Last year's title game merely shrank activity by 8 percent.
Even the US Open Men's Tennis Final was more successful at turning eyes away from online carnality.
You might think all these numbers represent a minuscule perspective on humanity. I will leave you then with the information that, in 2014, PornHub enjoyed 78.9 billion views worldwide.
Yes, I did say "billion."