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The Buzz Report: Will Google clone you for its cyborg army?

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The Buzz Report: Will Google clone you for its cyborg army?

5:12 /

Google's new privacy policy means they know enough about you now to make a whole digital copy. Don't worry, it's cool, though. Hopefully. Plus, the Droid Razr Maxx sends Molly over the edge.

Hey, everyone, I�m Molly Wood and welcome to the Buzz Report, the show about the tech news that everyone is talking about. This week, Google REALLY knows who you are, the iPhone 4S is like an app that prints money, and the bestest Xbox ever, coming soon? But first, it�s the Gadget of the Week. The Gadget of the Week is the Droid Razr MAXX, arriving in Verizon stores this week. The Razr Maxx is pretty much the same as the old Droid Razr -- by OLD, I mean, the one that came out like three months ago. But the Razr Maxx has a bigger battery. But not ACTUALLY bigger. It�s a new battery that lasts way longer, but the phone is still almost exactly the same as the one you already paid 300 bucks for three months ago! But seriously, you didn�t want all-day battery and 21 hours of talk time with your other Razr anyway, that�s just like a special thing that only some people want. No, no. Everyone wants that. Man, this phone kinda pisses me off. The battery thing is cool, though, it is. Really. Maybe all phones could have that someday. Anyway, now for the news Google introduced new privacy changes this week that unify all the company�s various services. So, Google can now share information about you across all its sites and services--like, Gmail ads will know about your YouTube videos, Picasa ads will know about your searches, maybe ads in your phone�s Google Maps app could be based on your recent check-ins on Google Plus. The policy will NOT include information from Google Chrome, Books, or Wallet. HOWEVER, you cannot opt out of these changes. You�re sharing across every Google site now, period. So, you know. Internet freakout. I admit, my first thought was, what�s the big deal? This sounds like the kind of unified, integrated business strategy Google has needed for YEARS. What a good idea! But they�re such robots, they got all nerd-gasmy about all the cool stuff they COULD do if they know everything about you, and they put it in a BLOG POST, and then everyone freaked right the hell out including members of Congress. Listen. Google? I know you�re planning to make a digital cyborg copy of me in your secret headquarters, any day now. Fine. It�s actually only about half as skeevy as everything Facebook is doing. But just maybe TRY keeping it on the down-low, PR-wise, and just TELL me it�s for streamlining and efficiency? And then stop talking? Also, don�t let my cyborg copy kill me. That wouldn�t be cool. Interestingly, Google actually missed its quarterly earnings expectations this week for the first time in who knows how long. Not so with Apple, however, HOLY HANNAH. They printed money this quarter -- 46 billion dollars in revenue and 13 billion dollars in PURE PROFIT. All thanks to iPhone 4S. The revenue even blew away Apple�s expectations--actually, they even sold a record high number of Macs this quarter at 5.2 million. That explains why my Facebook feed is suddenly full of people asking, �who here bought Apple at a hundred bucks? Wanna buy me a yacht?� I didn�t, in case you�re wondering. Stupid ethics. Moving on. If weird things were happening with your gadgets, your TV, the power in your building, stuff like that? Don�t worry. It�s just death from above. The biggest solar storm in eight years pummeled earth this week, causing aurora borealis across Canada, Britain, and even as far south as Oregon. The storm was said to be even stronger than originally predicted and flights near both poles had to be re- routed for two days as a result of satellite and radio interference. Also, my ATM card wouldn�t work yesterday, and I am CONVINCED that�s why. I�m just saying. Some quick headlines from the tech news this past week: New rumors suggest a new Xbox coming in fall 2013 -- the Xbox 720 will reportedly be six times more powerful than the current Xbox and 20 percent more powerful than the upcoming Wii U. Sadly the manners of all those foul-mouthed, misogynist, homophobic juveniles on Xbox Live will be zero percent improved. At long last, the co-CEOs of Research in Motion stepped down this past weekend. The news went public right in the middle of the EXTREMELY close playoff game between the New York Giants and the San Francisco 49ers--ensuring most of the media was otherwise occupied. And yeah. At this point, I cared almost exactly enough to retweet it about half an hour later. Good luck, new guy! Anonymous says it�s targeting Facebook again -- the loose consortium of the planet�s hackers said Facebook is going down on January 28th. My sources tell me that�s unlikely--mainly because even though Anonymous managed to take out the CIA, Justice Department, and FBI Websites with the OpMegaUpload hack this week? Facebook is a whole different ballgame. I mean, Facebook is BIG. And that�s the Buzz Report for this week, everyone. I�m Molly Wood and thank you for watching.

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