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The Buzz Report: Sexiest Buzz Report Ever
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The Buzz Report: Sexiest Buzz Report Ever

4:11 /

Boobs on the iPhone, porn on Vudu, and junk on Chat Roulette. This week's episode proves, once again, that the Internet is for porn.

Hi, I'm Molly Wood, and welcome to the Buzz Report, the show about the tech news that everyone's talking about. This week, no sex on the iPhone OR Vudu, Yelp in hot water again, and dirty, dirty Webcam pictures. But first, it's the Gadget of the Week. The Gadget of the Week is the Bloom Box. Bloom Energy, which you've never heard of, had this big press event to announce the Bloom Box, which you've never heard of, and which is, as I understand it, basically a fuel-cell-powered miniature power plant -- it's super clean, the fuel cells are made from sand, and it generates power at a fraction of the current cost of energy. Right now, it's meant for businesses and costs seven hundred to eight hundred thousand dollars, but Bloom says its ultimate goal is to get these down to about three grand and put them outside your house. It's being billed as a clean, cheap, almost miraculous energy revolution. Word is, this thing can save the world. ... That sounds pretty amazing. Almost TOO amazing. Is this the part where we fast-forward 5 years later and it gave everybody cancer? Or like, a third nipple right here? And now for the news. Apple is having all kinds of trouble with breasts this week. First, the company went on a Puritanical purge of the App store, banning five thousand "overtly sexual" apps. A developer said Apple handed down new rules, saying it wouldn't accept, like, images of women or men in bikinis, images of skin, sexual innuendo, that kind of thing. Images of skin. That's no overly broad. Interestingly, Apple left the Playboy and Sports Illustrated apps in the store, and marketing exec Phil Schiller said, like, you know, everybody already knows Playboy and SI are nudie, so that's no big deal. Then, because this always happens when you paint a broad and stupid brush with censorship, the company had to quietly put back some of the things it shouldn't have banned, such as an app that sells swimsuits, and a game that features a character wearing shorts. So, that's embarrassing. Now, Apple has apparently added a new drop-down menu on its app submission form that includes an "explicit" rating. No word on whether they'll use it to insta-ban apps or if they're just planning better parental controls instead of wholesale moral policing. This is just embarrassing, really. Oh, and for the record, in addition to Playboy and Sports Illustrated, the ENTIRE PORN-FILLED INTERNET is also still available on your iPhone. And speaking of boobs, it was announced this week that Wal-Mart had purchased the streaming video company Vudu this week. That's not the boobs part. The boobs part is that Vudu is apparently now removing its "After Dark" adult video content from the service. Vudu was the only streaming video company to include partnerships with porn studios. But those days are gone now. Anyone who purchased adult movies will receive a refund, and will just have to get their porn somewhere else. And don't even think it's going to be the iPhone. It is not. Man, we're sanitizing tech in a hurry, aren't we? In other scandalous news, Yelp is being sued for allegedly demanding three hundred dollars a week ot remove a negative review of a veterinary hospital. This isn't the first time Yelp has been accused of extorting businesses who wanted help removing negative or false reviews, but now it's class-action lawsuit time. And this just a few months after Yelp mysteriously walked away from a half a billion dollar buyout offer from Google. I'm thinking you should have taken the deal, guys. And finally, let's end this sex-filled episode with a sex-filled look at what's Clogging the Tubes. It's Chat Roulette, the site where you spin the Webcam wheel and see how many penises you can see in a row. It started out as a fun idea, you know, launch a chat with a stranger and see what happens. Hooray! But this is the Internet, and if there's anything we've learned about the Internet, it's that creepy dudes just love to show off their junk. At least the kittycat mashup isn't dirty. But I'm sure that's next. And that's the Buzz Report for this week, everyone. I'm Molly Wood, and thanks for watching.

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