Rush Limbaugh: iPad great tool in fighting global warming 'hoax'
After a 13-year-old boy calls in to say he has found proof in his local library that man-made global warming is a hoax, the famed radio host sends him an iPad, as its portability will prove useful in the boy's crusade.
If you're 13 years old, live in Wilmington, Ind., and it's cold outside, it surely makes you wonder about this global warming thing.
How can there be global warming when your personal globe is freezing?
How can you find out whether all this scientific mumbo-jumbo is just a giant gumbo of mumbling nonsense?
You do it the old-fashioned way: You go to the library.
Once you've found the evidence, you call Rush Limbaugh and tell him. This is extreme wisdom, as Limbaugh has -- at least in the past -- been very skillful at raising issues and then tossing them into the ring like a fine WWE performer.
Naturally, Limbaugh was pleased to hear from such an "articulate" young man, especially one who articulated a view with which the great Republican has sympathy.
He seemed, though, perturbed that the boy's mother had only downloaded one article from a computer. For the rest, the boy had been forced to comb his local library's perhaps dusty shelves.
I am grateful to The Hill for directing me to this tale of scientific discovery without the use of technology.
As Limbaugh himself put it, when talking with Alex: "I am surprised you find evidence of this at a library. That is heartening."
However, all intellectuals who are swimming against the tide surely could use a little technological help. So Limbaugh decided he would send Alex an iPad.
"If there is anybody who would put one of those things to good use, that would be you, and it is light, it is portable, you can take it anywhere you want to go," he told Alex.
Oddly, though, this was after Alex had explained that evidence of the man-made global warming "hoax" wasn't hard to find.
Alex revealed: "It was really easy for me to find this evidence, really easy. I believe the reason that the liberals do not have the evidence is because they do not want the evidence; they do not want to hear that it is wrong."
Now, though, Alex may not even need to go to the library. He can use his iPad night and day to find more evidence. He can write about it on his magical new machine and publish his findings from his own bedroom.
Personally, I hope that Alex is right.
As humans, we're being asked to bear too much guilt for everything that is wrong with the world.
We're being asked to feel responsible because it is we who kill people, not guns. We're being made to feel guilty about every morsel of food that we place into our mouths.
And now the fact that the world might explode is supposed to be our fault too.
If the iPad can help us catch a break, there will surely be a quantitative easing in our souls.
I look forward to hearing more of Alex's research as his iPad allows him to flit across the digital firmament in search of more psychological relief for humanity.