Noel Edmonds helping you get what you want out of life by asking the universe to help? There's an app for that. It's called Noel Edmonds Cosmic Ordering, and its very existence makes us think the universe has in fact taken the rest of eternity off and gone completely hatstand.
Cosmic ordering involves firming up your more nebulous dreams and goals, and submitting them to the cosmos to help you out. The cosmos is there to help you, as if expanding to fill an infinite space isn't taking up enough of its time, and it was the cosmos that rocketed Edmonds back into our living rooms -- and hearts -- as host of the hit show Deal or No Deal. Yeah, thanks for that, cosmos.
What does it do?
The app is basically a to-do list dressed up with spiritual spacedust. After an introductory video from El Noel himself, you create a new order, and set a due date. The options are any time, tomorrow, next week, or picking from a calendar, which seems rather precise for the cosmos to deliver but whatever. Assign the order to a category, such as wealth, happiness or love, then click 'launch order' to submit your ambitions and aspirations to the universe's in tray.
All your orders are placed in a kind of cosmic tag cloud that you can swoosh about in with a swipe of the finger. You can also share the order with other cosmic orderers, either anonymously or with a nickname of your choice. These can be filtered to show completed orders, or even those that are overdue, so you can see which ordererers caught the cosmos on an off day.
As a simple to-do app, it's not bad. You can organise your orders by category, date of creation, and due date. The sharing feature feels tacked on though: some orderererers may find it useful for inspiration, but so far the list includes 'meet new friends', 'get a great new job' twice, and 'find time for new energy', whatever that means. 'Grow a wicked cool beard' is in there too -- that one's ours. Interestingly, despite sharing 'Meet Mr Blobby', that particular order doesn't appear in the shared list. Could it be even the cosmos hates Mr Blobby?
App Attack verdict
There's much to be said for the power of positive mental attitude -- y'know, like in that Persil advert -- and the app does at least make you put a due date on your dreams and aspirations. But asking the cosmos for help? No deal.
Are you kidding?