Conan reviews Tomb Raider, suffers
Conan O'Brien cannot quite come to terms with how often Lara Croft dies. Reviewing the new "Tomb Raider" game is therefore a little much for him. Especially when he causes her to be impaled through the throat.
One thing that Conan O'Brien does very well is express his utter bemusement with video games.
He reviews them with a sense of incomprehension that is to be both respected and admired. (Unlike my colleague Jeff Bakalar, who comprehends everything.)
So faced with the new "Tomb Raider" game, he found the existential questions came at him a little too quickly.
For example, why is she called Lara Croft and not Laura Croft? Somehow, "Laura" flows from the tongue more readily.
And does she clutch her stomach because she's trying to look thinner or because she's had a substantial Mexican lunch?
Soon, the action makes Conan scream that he loves her. Until, that is, she finds a handbag and becomes distracted. At least, that's his impression.
Yet her physical allure makes Conan utter, perhaps against his better judgment: "I am so perving out. I'm sorry. I think someone should call the police."
It seems that Conan's dialogue might be somewhat better than Croft's. As she is stuck in a vast, cavernous place of danger, she utters the immortal: "I hate tombs."
"Then, guess what?" Conan cries, exasperated. "Don't be a tomb raider!"
Conan then loses control, with the result that Croft is impaled through the throat with a large, sharp object.
This happens more than once.
His conclusion: "This game makes you fall in love with her. And lose her."
It's one of the more realistic games out there, then.