Really creepy things you can buy on Amazon
Creepy dolls, creepy food, even creepy desk toys: All this stuff can be yours... if you dare.
The creepiest things you can buy on Amazon
You can find just about anything on Amazon these days. And we're not just talking about consumer electronics or clothing -- the e-commerce giant sells some seriously weird and incredibly creepy stuff.
But don't take our word for it. Check out these thoroughly disturbing items we found on Amazon.
For starters: This 9-inch tall, weatherproof statue, featuring a handful of gnome characters and one hungry Godzilla-esque monster, is formally entitled The Great Garden Gnome Massacre. Adorable.
(This story was published earlier and recently updated with 10 new selections.)
This happy little murderous clown
Horror movie fans should check out this officially licensed It candy-bowl holder. The plastic-molded Pennywise stands approximately 18 inches tall. The plastic bowl is included -- as is the figure's unsettling smile.
A bloody-cool lunch box
Your co-workers may lose their lunch when they see you pull your meatloaf sandwich from this insulated tote disguised as an organ-transplant go bag.
A Vladimir Putin mask
Stare into the eyes of Russia's leader. But beware of what stares back.
A heat-activated zombie mug
Pour coffee, tea or another hot liquid into this 11-ounce ceramic mug, and watch its solid-black design give way to the bloody undead. That's one way to put a kick in your morning.
A creepy baby doll
This eyeless, sound-activated prop requires two AA batteries to play creepy music and offer up disembodied babbling. Said one Amazon reviewer: "This thing is utterly terrifying." Word.
The eyes-open sleep mask
Why sleep with one eye open when you can look like you're sleeping with both eyes bugged out?
Pig oven mitt
The next time you look at this horrifying oven mitt, remember: Pigs will eat anything -- including humans unlucky enough to fall into their pens.
A (fake) head in a jar
One of the five-star reviews on this item says it all: "[I]t's a plastic container with a rubber mask, no fluid in it, but doesn't need it, still scary lol." Enjoy!
Chernobyl Garden Gnome
If your radioactive wasteland needs a small, cute creature to make it complete, this Chernobyl-inspired gnome includes a gas mask, AK-47 and hazmat suit.
A batch of dolls heads
These small and dead-eyed doll heads are designed to help kids practice putting makeup on.
Cthulu coffee cup
Answer the call of Cthulhu and get your morning coffee fix at the same time with this supernaturally creepy mug.
A Jeff Goldblum pillow
Tired of gazing at your Nicolas Cage throw? Then snuggle up with this 18-by-18-inch number featuring a double-sided print of your favorite Jurassic Park scientist -- and his unnamed primate friend. You won't feel creepy at all. Probably.
Unicorn skeleton candle
Burn this beautiful unicorn candle down to reveal a metallic skeleton. Terrifying.
This zombie pen holder
Where, oh, where, did you leave your ballpoint? Why, in the upper torso of your resin-molded zombie pen holder, of course! That is, if you're brave enough to buy this bad boy.
A blood-red (fake) brain
It's filled with cotton. It's wrapped in silicone. It's ready for your next Halloween display -- or your everyday kitchen table, whichever. We're not judging.
An incredibly distressing stress toy
If you don't mind inflicting pressure on a silicone stress ball that's shaped like a person who's cowering in the fetal position, then Stress Ball Paul (that's the poor thing's name) is for you.
A way-attentive eyeglass-frame holder
This eyeglass-frame holder gets good user reviews for getting the job done. But we just can't shake the feeling that when it's doing its job, it's also staring at us.
A pet casket
Every beloved pet will eventually head to a farm and never come back. But not every beloved pet can do it in such an ornate receptacle.
An Annabelle Funko Pop
Can a Funko Pop steal your soul? While we haven't seen any documented evidence, we'd advise against staring too long at this vinyl figure tie-in to the Conjuring and Annabelle films.
This human-organ apron
This apron, with its plush, removable and Velcro-backed models of the human heart, large intestine, small intestine, lung, stomach, kidney, liver, esophagus and trachea, is billed as an anatomical teaching tool. But first, we have to learn not to be scared of it.
This Slappy the Dummy doll
Don't just love Goosebumps, live it with your very own Slappy the Dummy ventriloquist doll. Its eyes won't follow you on their own, but they will glow in the dark.
A versatile (fake) tongue
According to the seller, this polyester tongue (sold as a set of three, actually) can be "stretched, twisted, stuck, pierced and pull[ed] ... out longer," before returning to its original, slimy-looking form. Good times!
These bloody-footprint stickers
Why clean the floor when you can put 48 self-adhering, PVC-plastic, bloody-footprint-style stickers on it? But wait, there's more: The 12-sheet set also comes with 15 blood-splatter stickers.
A crying-baby-head mask
This latex mask is said to be "roomy enough" for use by a child or adult. Note we said "or": Please don't double the horror by trying to stuff two heads inside it.
Stabbed guy pen holder
Let this rubbery corpse hold your pen in the gaping hole in its chest.
A scary-clown window decal
This static-cling decal is intended for use on the exterior of your car's driver-side rear window. It's said to be water-resistant, and offer UV protection. And, oh, yes: it's potentially terrifying to passersby.
A bat skeleton
Yes, that's a real bat skeleton, from a formerly real, live bat, encased in clear resin, and suitable for use as a (creepy) paperweight.
This variety pack of seasoned crickets
There's a box of sour-cream-and-onion-flavored crickets. There's a box of salt-and-vinegar-flavored crickets. And there's a box of bacon-and-cheese-flavored crickets. Put them all together, and you've got a mouthful of, well, dead crickets. Yum!
An innocent-looking cat cave
Sure, this handcrafted, wool cat bed (available in a range of styles -- the so-called "Hippo" is featured in the picture) looks cozy. But do you really want your feline friend holed up in one of these -- thinking, stewing... and plotting?
A gun-totin' taxidermy squirrel
As pictured, your mounted and professionally stuffed squirrel comes complete with a holster and cowboy hat -- because, sure.
This old-lady wall decal
You'll always have someone watching over you -- literally -- when you mount this removable vinyl decal over your couch, and then remount it over your bed, and then remount it over your kitchen table, and then...
A (fake) vulture skeleton
This 10-inch-tall plastic figure features a posable, bendable neck -- so as to ensure maximum creepiness, apparently.
A bald mannequin head
This rubber plastic head stands 17 inches tall, and is suitable for... well, we suppose that's your business.
This hirsute mannequin head
It's official then: Hair doesn't make a mannequin head any less unsettling -- even when the hair is, as is the case with this item, "100% top-quality human hair."
This alpaca-head mask
In a bit of reassuring news, this alpaca-head mask is made entirely of ... latex. (Whew!)
An Alien cookie jar
Go ahead, just try to steal a peanut-butter blondie from this 18-inch-tall, ceramic cookie jar styled after the evil E.T. in James Cameron's Aliens.
A (fake) ripped-out eyeball
"This is a seriously realistic eyeball," per one of the rave Amazon reviews for this gory prop. And, really, if you're going to invest in a fake ripped-out eyeball, you definitely want a seriously realistic one.
A (fake) human-skull planter
This resin skull is good for showing off flowers, plants, Halloween candy -- and your devotion to the horror genre.
This suitable-for-your-toilet cat decal
Per the seller, this PVC plastic decal can be applied to any smooth, clean, dry surface, but apparently it's best if you stick it on your toilet seat or toilet tank. There's apparently nothing like the sight of Mittens invading your private space.
An owl-pellet dissection kit
An owl pellet is the undigested stuff that an owl regurgitates after it, say, eats a cute, little mouse whole. An owl-pellet dissection kit is the thing that allows you to examine the owl pellet in detail. Shall we go on, or do you need to retch now?
A set of (fake) severed hands and fingers
Billed as a value pack, your purchase comes complete with 10 sawed-off-looking rubber fingers, and two sawed-off-looking rubber hands.
An unintentionally terrifying salt-and-pepper-shaker holder
We're sure this cat figurine, which comes complete with a pair of glass shakers (salt and pepper not included), just wants to help you season your dinner. But its eyes... Oh, its cold, soulless eyes...
A toilet-bowl-shaped coffee mug
Who hasn't wanted to started the day with a swig of steaming-hot java from the toilet bowl? Live the dream with this ceramic mug.
This hand-shaped smartphone holder
Her: "Where'd I leave my phone?"
Him: "In the disembodied resin hand by the door, honey."
And... scene.
(Note: Check the seller's listing to see if your phone is compatible with the disembodied hand's specs.)
A murder of plastic crows
Thanks to bendable wires on the plastic crows' feet, you can position these symbols of impending doom almost anywhere in your home or office!
A retro-styled T-shirt
This short-sleeved number comes in a variety of colors, but promotes just one spooky idea: "Let's Summon Demons."
This set of vinyl hands... for your fingers
Short-handed? Not with this pack of tiny toy hands you won't be. As the picture indicates, each tiny toy hand is suitable for wearing on your fingers. (Just go with it.)
A pair of totally normal Spock-ear socks
If your fingers can have toy hands, then your crew socks should be able to sport Vulcan ears, right? Sure. (Just go with it.)
An insect-infused lollipop
This bug candy, featuring real, dead bugs, is sold in a set of four. Each sucker features, respectively: a scorpion (pictured), a cricket, a worm and a collection of ants. Yum.
An anatomical plastic gummy bear puzzle
There's a lot to unpack in this one: First, it's a 41-piece puzzle that's shaped like a gummy bear; second, the puzzle imagines that the gummy bear is a living creature with a liver, spinal cord and the rest; third, your job as a puzzle-doer is to put the gummy bear's anatomical parts in the right place. In short: You'll never eat gummies in the same carefree way again.
This no-joke Joker shower curtain
Shower in the presence of the Heath Ledger-era Batman villain with this mildew-resistant curtain designed to fit standard-sized bathtubs.
A Spirited Away plush toy
Wherever you go, No Face can go with you. This is a good thing, we guess.
A dragon-head stapler
With this fearsome-looking resin-and-aluminum piece, your desk will be the office's new hot spot. Or maybe not.
A mass of stretchy, fake spider web
Hope you like spider webs -- like, a lot. Per the seller, each pack of this faux creepy-crawly stuff covers more than 800 square feet.
This inflatable tube-man costume
This tube-man costume comes in three colors (blue, red and yellow), and is equipped with a battery-powered blower to keep it standing tall. Batteries are not included -- nor are reasons why you'd want to walk down the street looking like this.
A pair of giant underpants
These black-lace-trimmed, polyester bloomers run more than 30 inches long. So, basically, they're perfect for the ogre in your life.
A print of women wearing witches' hats and enjoying a tea party
This 8x10-inch vintage reproduction is suitable for framing -- and for inspiring a million questions, such as: What the hell?
An edible zebra tarantula
This arachnid is boiled, dehydrated -- and ready to eat! Do some of the product's Amazon reviews complain about the taste? Yes, yes, they do. Do the taste-complainers remember they're eating a boiled and dehydrated zebra tarantula? Well...