Ranking the mutants of 'X-Men: Apocalypse'

We're ranking the many mutants of "X-Men: Apocalypse" from worst to best.

Let's kick off with the mutants who don't acquit themselves too well -- and appropriately enough, we're starting with the gloriously over-the-top prologue set in Egypt. In the shadow of the pyramids, the film's villain En Sabah Nur tasks his original Four Horsemen to run the show while he has a lie-down. Sadly, the resulting chaos shows that all the cool mutant powers in the world can't fight a big rock. Truly, these are the lamest mutant characters in the movie.

"Hey guys, I'm Alex Summers! I'm in this movie solely to introduce a younger, better version of me! 20 years younger, in fact, because that's a totally realistic age gap between brothers. Oh, and I blew up my school and then died. Bye!"

Continuing our countdown, it's Beast. He's blue, he built a jet, he's a bit dull.

Disappointing showing for the villain of the piece, En Sabah Nur (AKA Apocalypse). The idea of a mutant who collects other mutant's power is a great one, but burying Oscar Isaac under layers of widow twanky slap isn't. And it's not really clear what Apocalypse actually wants, except maybe to make everything turn into sand and fly about.

As much as we love J-Law, we liked it better when Mystique was a bad guy.

Fassbender brings some soul to proceedings, but spends the first half of the film wasting time while we wait for something horrible to happen to his family and the second half of the film floating in the air not doing very much.

The best thing about Professor Xavier is his purple v-neck, which makes his dramatic climactic scenes unintentionally comic. But he is pretty badass when he says, "You're in my house now!"

Now we're talking: Jubilee's yellow jacket is the best thing in this movie. The fact that she got like three minutes of screentime is the worst, hence a relatively low appearance in our countdown.

Raaaarrrgh! He's only in it for a minute, but finally we get to see Wolverine go all-out slicey-dicey. Bonus points for leaving a Wolverine-shaped hole in the wall like some kind of cartoon character.

Dude is metal -- and not just because he likes Metallica. His wings are literally made of metal -- and he gets extra points for the period-specific mullet.

The burgeoning relationship between troubled teens Scott and Jean provides some of the most human moments in the movie, not to mention reminding us of 1980s teen comedies. Plus it was funny when he blew up the tree.

Time for our top 5! Those shoulder pads. That hairdo. Those psychic powers. We totally heart Jean Grey.

She's criminally under-served in terms of lines, but Psylocke is still the baddest mutant in the whole film. Someone throws a car at her and she slices it in half with a laser-sword thing! For more Psylocke, read our interview with Olivia Munn here.

He starts off being a total badass in a cage fight, he gets some great jokes, and above all he styles the best piece of 1980s costume in the whole movie, that amazing Thriller-style red leather jacket.

She controls lightning and she rocks a bitchin' mohawk. Storm reigns -- almost, anyway. She's at number 2 behind the clear winner...

The best mutant in "Apocalypse"? Quicksilver, of course. Not content with stealing the show in "Days of Future Past", Peter Maximoff does it again with another gorgeous special effects sequence, not to mention a handful of 1980s references and several of the best jokes in the movie. Quicksilver, we quick-salute you.