Come on in, lie down, and please admit what's been on your mind.
You've occasionally looked at Mark Zuckerberg expressing himself and thought: "That man needs treatment," haven't you?
I'd like to reassure you that you aren't alone.
For messaging app/service WeChat -- slogan: "The new way to connect" -- would like you to believe that the Facebook CEO is seeing a shrink.
It's released ads that suggest Zuckerberg is so disturbed about the arrival of, um, new ways to connect that he's losing his mind.
Here we have Mark in the psychiatrist's office. We know it's Mark, because, though we can't see his face, we can see the Adidas flip-flops. Few people enjoy that level of taste.
In the first ad, Mark is worried that his friends are unfriending him. Who would do such a heinous thing to someone so fascinating?
The shrink tells him he is suffering from friendophobia, the inability to find real friends. WeChat allegedly cures this.
Sadly, the shrink is played as something of a cliche, Freudian accent and all. If only he'd been one of those Silicon Valley shrinks, all crystals and crystal-clear nonsense.
Mark cries. The shrink shows little sympathy. This is so unbelievable. A real Valley shrink would be bathing him in reassurance and trying to get some info for a little insider trading.
In the second ad, Zuckerberg tries to take revenge. He sics his lawyers on Sigmund.
They're trying to stop his Freudulent attempt to prescribe WeChat. He explains that Zuckerberg can express his emotions far more readily through WeChat's animated stickers.
Wait, Facebook hasn't copied that (badly) yet?
So we are led to believe that "Everyone's Crazy About WeChat."
Oh, they might be, if these ads had got the psychology right.