YouTube video of crazy Manhattan speedster boils police blood
NYPD Commissioner Ray Kelly vows to catch someone who says he averaged 66 mph around Manhattan, breaking the previous record and then posting the excitement to YouTube.
The fast can make officialdom furious.
Officialdom is about doing everything according to limits. Officialdom is gone in 60 minutes.
So when officialdom sees a lunatic try to break the record for a single lap around Manhattan, it doesn't dance for joy. It menaces.
Indeed, NYPD Commissioner Ray Kelly is vowing to pursue a mysterious speedster who claims to have broken the record for a trip around America's most self-important piece of land by averaging 66 mph.
The driver was so proud of his accomplishments -- and so confident of not being caught -- that he posted the evidence to YouTube.
While Commissioner Kelly foams at the jaws, the driver, hiding behind the name AfroDuck Productions, titters into his cheeks.
"You frankly can't identify who I am by just looking at the video, and records were meant to be broken. I'll release my name a year from now," he told Jalopnik.
That should be an interesting anniversary. Will there be a ceremony in the Holland Tunnel?
AfroDuck added: "I was always in control. In fact, this wasn't the first time I broke the record. I can do it consistently under 24 minutes and most likely beat my own record again."
Well, that's a relief, as I'm not sure I would be so deft behind the wheel of a 2006 BMW Z4.
Still, AfroDuck's idea of control might not be everyone's. There are more than a couple of moments in his video where you might imagine some not entirely sober driver would have experienced a strange sensation in his or her rear view mirror.
AfroDuck insisted: "Being a fast driver doesn't mean that you're inherently a bad or reckless driver."
Naturally, New York, which is only slightly less fond of surveillance than London, is desperate to catch this miscreant.
Commissioner Kelly told the New York Post: "We now have license-plate readers in the city that will assist in this type of investigation."
Of course he will lean on technology. It's the most reliable way to catch criminals these days. And technology is incorruptible.
Commissioner Kelly is a vast proponent of cameras, as long as his own officers aren't made to wear them.
Oh, commissioner, wearable tech is quite de rigueur these days.
I confess that I was once taken on a ride such as this along New York's West Side Highway by someone I thought was sober -- and, um, sane.
I certainly wouldn't recommend anyone attempt such a reckless joyride.
I wonder, though, whether Google will be put under any pressure to release AfroDuck's details.
If he really went around Manhattan in 24 minutes (it seemed like he went through six red lights), then police might want to stop any future attempts.
Or perhaps they might hire him to drive the commissioner around to official functions.