Your lover left you? Don't worry, Google Chrome can get her back

In a new ad for Google Chrome, Google tries to show you how all is not lost. For the ex whom you mistreated will come back for more, as long as you use your browser in an imaginative way.

Screenshot: Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

Who among us hasn't wept over a lover parting ways, declaring that she could find better?

Who among us has not had second thoughts about getting her back? Because, oh, there was her smile, her legs, her cooking, and perhaps the small fact that the break-up was our fault, not hers.

There is a solution. Google Chrome.

Yes, those might seem like two phrases in search of a sequitur, but I can assure you that all you need to do to bring your lover back is to download Google's fine browser and then use your imagination.

How do I know? Because a new Google Chrome ad told me and I have learned most of what I know from ads.

I blow a wistful kiss to TechCrunch for discovering this emotive candle in the wind. It tells the story of Mark Potter, who is being driven potty by the idea of the lover he let go.

It seems that he didn't treat Jen so well. So, in order to regain her favor, he sends her a very fine Google doc to open. Because what says romance -- far more than roses, candlelight, or a black American Express card -- than a Google doc?

This Google doc is full of reasons why Jen should reconsider. Reconsider staying in the same country as Potter? No, reconsider sharing his bed again.

Mark Potter, no doubt Harry's older and less successful cousin, tries to show Jen all the lovely things they shared when they were together. He calls her, on one particular date, a "good sport." This seems a term from some early 20th century novel where boys were boys and girls were gals.

Still, he has co-opted her friends in this effort. So we must assume that they, too, believed this was a wonderful relationship -- albeit one in which the idea of being Mrs. Potter didn't seem to enthrall Jen sufficiently.

Yes, Mark spent too much time at the office. Sadly, too, he rarely seems to have admitted that she was right.

Are the tears of recognition coursing down your cheeks and onto your keyboard? Are you already downloading Google Chrome, so that you, too, can create little Google maps of all the places that remind you of your long-lost lover?

Of course, I did too. Google has tried very hard to appeal to human beings, once it suddenly dawned on the company that human beings are sentient.

However, now I am merely wondering what Jen might reply (if at all). Will she remind him that he got her best friend pregnant? Will she declare that he never let her re-organize the furniture every day, so that the feng shui would be just so?

Will she agree to have that coffee with him (Yes, Mark wants coffee. Has he learned nothing?).

It could be, you see, that Jen thinks Mark is the biggest Potter she's ever met in her life.

I do hope that Google continues to tell the story of this broken Chromance. We need to know if Jen is missing her Potter. We need to see how she might use Chrome to communicate this.

Because Google Chrome always works. At least, that's what unmarried, forlorn browser obsessives always tell me.

 

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