"It is day 87 and the horses have accepted me as one of their own. I have grown to understand and respect their gentle ways," writes ByronicHero, proud owner of the rubber mask pictured above and one of the brilliant reviewers Amazon has celebrated in a list of its favourite funny user reviews.
Amazon's vast catalogue of every conceivable product you could ever want has naturally thrown up some oddities in the 18 years since it first went online. Thanks to the viral power of the Internet, wags, wits and japesters have flocked to the weirdest items and graced the user reviews sections with their timeless humour.
"Helpful product reviews written by Amazon customers are the heart of Amazon.com, and we treasure the customers who work hard to write them," the company says in a warm-hearted blog post. "But occasionally customer creativity goes off the charts in the best possible way."
"Do you have any idea where this stuff comes from?" asks MoLaw of a gallon of Tuscan Whole Milk. "It's excreted by squeezing the wobbly thingie on the UNDERSIDE OF A COW! That's hardly made clear anywhere on the label."
Many reviews make fun of ladyfied products such as the ridiculous BIC Cristal For Her Ball Pen. "Ask your husband for some extra pocket money so you can buy one today!" snarks E. Bradley.
Another cause dear to our tech-loving hearts is mocking the ludicrous claims made by cable manufacturers who flog perfectly ordinary wires for hundreds of pounds.
"Just holding the packaging it comes in, I can see distant galaxies and, though you may not believe it, hear what the aliens there are thinking," says S. Mayo of the extortionately priced Denon AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable, which promises "the purest signal" from your DVD player.
Check out Amazon's full list here, where you can also submit your own favourites. Have you ever contributed to humanity's stock of knowledge with an insightful user review? Unleash your hilarity in the comments, or on our 1-star Facebook page.