Why Government should investigate "Little Bigfoot" sightings

Small towns in Argentina are becoming increasingly concerned about the appearance of a haunting gnome-like creature.

Many people have barely recovered from the recent revelation that the alleged Bigfoot was really BigRubberfoot.

However, one is duty-bound to report that there has been another sighting of an equally disturbing meta-human phenomenon- the Creepy Gnome.

The Creepy Gnome first materialized in March. Teenagers who were hanging out in General Guemes, in the Argentinian province of Salta, used their cellphones to capture a peculiar short creature with a pointed head and a strange sideways gait. (Haunting for Preparation H users, at least.)

At the time, Jose Alvarez, who shot the film, said: "We looked to one side and saw that the grass was moving. To begin with we thought it was a dog but when we saw this gnome-like figure begin to emerge we were really afraid."

Last week, Juan Carlos Roldan, also, coincidentally, a teenager, was out with friends in Clodomira when a very similar Gnome-like being sidled sideways across the town square.

"It was a person of incredibly low stature. We filmed it then got scared and ran off. This little thing was barking like a dog - but running sideways on two legs. It headed off towards the football stadium," said Mr. Roldan.

Could the Creepy Gnome look like this? CC Shortfatkid

You might be wondering whether Clodomira is near General Guemes. Well, they are in two different provinces. (Clodomira is in Santiago Del Estero). They are more than 200 miles apart.

Which might make you conclude that there are several of these creatures in existence. Or that the Gnome's sideways shuffle has more gears than a mountain bike.

One also has to admire the bravery of the teenagers involved. Though they freely discuss their fear at sighting this worrisome being, they first stand their ground, pointing their Nokias or Samsungs in its direction, before fleeing the scene. Their bravery was, indeed, rewarded when the footage was examined by Alegondo Alvarez, a photography expert at the University de Santiago del Estero, and deemed genuine.

What is highly chilling is that, after the March sighting, hundreds of people apparently came forward to say they had seen something similar.

Although why they had not come forward before is perhaps something only a Buenos Aires psychiatrist could answer. (I understand that Buenos Aires may have the highest per capita proportion of psychiatrists in the world).

However, perhaps the most worrying aspect of the Creepy Gnome phenomenon is the admission by General Guemes' mayor and police chief that they had known about the Creepy Gnome, or, indeed, Creepy Gnomes, for 20 years.

How could they put their fellow citizens at risk of such fright? How could they allow for the possibility that Argentinian hikers might inadvertently trample a Creepy Gnome underfoot? (After all, the most recent Bigfoot finders, um, hoaxers were hikers, weren't they?)

What have these officials, in fact, done about this Gnome invasion? Is their behaviour not the height of ignominious dereliction of duty?

It is my belief that the Argentinian Government should question everyone involved very closely. The country's finest scientists should be dispatched immediately to the north of the country on a Creepy Gnome Trek. Volunteers of a strong disposition should be encouraged to come forward and join the quest for what might be an astounding scientific discovery.

If anyone is Argentina is reading this, please contact us immediately with any more information you might have. We don't believe the Creepy Gnome has feet of rubber. Or clay.

 

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