Why bother to text your girl when BroApp can do it for you?

BroApp sends lovey-dovey messages to your beloved little dove, so that you can enjoy drinking with the boys. Really.

So sensitive. Screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

You know how you often tell your one true love that she's your one true love?

Does she know that the "one" isn't true, making the "true" not true either?

I only ask because your, um, bros in tech have your back. They understand. Indeed, not only do they understand, but they want to help.

Some tech bros in Australia, you see, have gotten together in solidarity to create BroApp.

This little beauty is Android-only, but it's manly to the core.

BroApp's instructions are so simple that a Neanderthal man can understand them: "Select your girlfriend's number, add some sweet messages, and set the time of day when you want those messages sent. BroApp takes care of the rest."

Don't you wish you had bros who could take care of things for you? Don't you wish that you could get bros to send your lover a text that reads: "Morning, sweet pea. Hope you have a great day"?

The bros at BroApp are so caring and sensitive that they answer your most pressing questions.

"'What if I get caught by my girlfriend?' you ask," asks BroApp.

The answer? "BroApp is smart, taking all possible steps to safeguard the BroApp secret. BroApp's unique detectors integrate advanced Android technologies that ensure your girlfriend never becomes suspicious of your relationship wingman."

You might wonder what these "all possible steps" might be.

Well, it detects your girlfriend's Wi-Fi, so it knows not to send coo-cooing texts when you're actually at her place.

It also has an "Intrusion Detector." Doesn't it know that girlfriends are wily beings, with ways that men don't remotely understand?

Still, BroApp has a third, most useful safeguard: the "Contact Detector." Yes, BroApp can tell when you're sending real texts to your girlfriend, so it stops sending the fake ones.

Personally, I did enjoy the part in the Google App store that rated BroApp "low maturity."

I also enjoyed the reporting of News.com in Australia, which told me that the developers behind this wizard invention will only admit to being called Tom and James.

Tom confessed to News.com that the most painful moment in the app's creation came when he had to turn to his girlfriend (presumably in person) and tell her what he'd been developing for the previous three months.

You might think this invention is impersonal. But you can invent your own caring messages, ones that you can program to be sent just at the time, say, that you know your girlfriend is at the hairdresser's.

She'll never know that you're having a tryst with the hairdresser's best friend, will she? Because she's your one true love, right?

 

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