When an iPod gets stuck... inside you

"Stuck Up" is a new book of X-rays showing strange objects in people's innards. Cassette tapes are a rare find these days; iPods are not.

No one can deny that human being do things they sometimes regret.

These things seem like good ideas at the time. And then, well, you end up in the ER being X-rayed.

It is, therefore, both exhilarating and instructive to look at some of the pictures from a new book called "Stuck Up."

This tome for our ages (but not necessarily all ages) features 100 X-rays that have revealed strange objects perched inside people's bodies.

As the Huffington Post displays it, people do end up going to hospital with iPods inside them. Cassette tapes, too. Although the latter are, according to the three doctors who created this book, a little more rare these days.

Is that a pair of shoes? Screenshot: Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

"I think that shows that the choice of objects that are inserted reflects the larger culture," Marty A. Sindhian, M.D. (a pseudonym) told the Huffingtons.

It might be, too, that it shows a smaller mind or a significant drinking habit.

You will, because you are curious of mind, be wondering just how such foreign bodies entered these human bodies. Might I tell you that, broadly speaking, younger people are allegedly fonder of swallowing things, while older people-- well, older people most commonly swallow weddings rings.

One can only speculate upon the circumstances in which people would want to swallow their wedding rings. I feel sure that this would be relatively unlikely during the throes of wedded bliss. Rather, this might occasionally occur during the throbbing throes--or even the wrestling throws--of infidelity.

In general, though, adults seem to favor the lower extremities for their object internalization. I will attempt to elide the fact that a Buzz Lightyear and a Barbie Doll were two objects that were allegedly rear-ended.

I will wriggle along to the revelation that, in the doctors' view, the strangest occurrence (there was some competition here) was a psychiatric patient who, in Sindhian's words, "rolled up the lid of a can of tuna fish like a cigar and swallowed that."

We revere ingenuity in these pages. But we find ourselves swallowing (air) quite hard at this moment.

We are troubled, also, at some of the excuses that doctors apparently hear on being asked to effect the swift exit of a strange object.

People, for example, claim they tripped and fell on these things. Might I pause for a moment for us all to consider how you could trip and fall on an iPod and be so unfortunate that it ends up inside you?

Sindhian offered: "Younger people will say that it happened because of a dare. But more people are willing to admit that the situation occurred because they were seeking sexual pleasure."

Seeking sexual pleasure is, of course, in itself daring. But I beseech you to be conservative with your gadgets--and, indeed, your Barbie dolls.

Accidents do happen, as does temporary insanity. Surely no one can possibly relish the idea of waddling up to the ER reception desk and muttering: "Madam, I was having a medium-rare steak, when my iPhone rang and, well, I tripped."

 

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