Washington D.C. reality meets spy movie paranoia?

If I talk, the U.S. government could throw me in jail, says John Doe. Just another guy hearing radio transmissions in his fillings or speaking in code with small six-legged figures from Plant X9-G? Apparently not. Apparently, just an Internet businessman who was ordered to provide client information to the government and refused.

Today, "John Doe" tells his story in a Washington Post piece. Doe says he's under a long-term FBI gag order about a national security letter he got.

There's been some anger recently over the U.S. government spying on private information via the Internet and elsewhere. Specifically, the Federal Bureau of Investigation has been issuing a lot more national security letters than it's admitted to sending. Even a lot more than the FBI has kept track of. It's NSL gone wild.

As our reporter, Declan McCullagh, points out: The FBI is the world's largest police force, and it works for the world's largest law firm (Department of Justice). And somehow they can't afford a database?

This week, our fearless political leaders sprang into action. Hearings rang out across the land. First, the U.S. House asked stern and probing questions. Not to be outdone, the Senate jumped on the case. The FBI promised the Senate it would do better.

Rest assured, it's being looked into. And if that doesn't work, there's always the Patriot Act. It makes it impossible to punish anybody for abusing the NSL provision. Sort of like getting your 10-year-old to clean his room. "Whatcha gonna do, starve me? That's child abuse. I'll clean it up tomorrow," says the knowing little slob.

Meanwhile, Mr. Doe never gave data to the FBI. The FBI has now withdrawn its NSL asking for Doe's Internet client data. But Doe is still under gag order, hiding his lawsuit and legal papers from friends and family--to protect the same FBI he's suing over the gag. His piece is written as an open invitation to Congress to subpoena him to testify. Another hearing, perhaps?

I wish the FBI would sift through my boring e-mails and figure out what happened to my Outlook Calendar program when we went to daylight-saving time? Nah, they don't even understand databases, do they? Declan and I chewed on this during this week's CNET News.com Tech Politics Podcast.