Wanted: ethically challenged workers for executive positions

Ever wonder where your career is heading? Are you capable of moral flexibility? Good at covering things up without getting caught? Know what plausible deniability is? Then you just might be a candidate for executive management. Take this quiz and find out

Ever wonder where your career is heading? Well, let me ask you this:

Are you capable of moral flexibility? Good at covering things up without getting caught? Know what plausible deniability is? Then you just might be a candidate for executive management.

Or, are you in a complete state of denial about your future, a goody two shoes content to let management use you for toilet paper for the next 10 or 20 years?

Want to know what the future holds for you? Then get out your pen and paper and take this quiz, if you dare. Scoring is at the end. Hey, no cheating!

1. Corporate fraud happens:
a) rarely
b) more often than you think
c) sooner or later
d) whenever the greedy SOBs can get away with it

2. Executives who defraud shareholders should be:
a) slapped on the wrist
b) fined
c) fined and imprisoned
d) forced to watch reruns of The Anna Nicole Show

3. Greed is:
a) what I live for
b) for lack of a better term, good
c) fine in moderation
d) the sin of capitalist dogs; long live Karl Marx and the revolution

4. Most board directors:
a) have shareholders' interests at heart
b) do a reasonably competent job of oversight
c) are bought and paid for by the CEO
d) are tired old farts that are desperate to be relevant

5. Executive compensation in corporate America:
a) is reasonable, CEOs deserve what they get
b) is a little hard to swallow, sometimes
c) is excessive and out of control
d) inflames my hemorrhoids every time I read a proxy statement

6. With respect to corporate governance, the feds should:
a) pat themselves on the back for the Sarbanes-Oxley Act
b) enact legislation that is more favorable to our global competitiveness
c) repeal Sarbanes-Oxley and call it a day
d) keep their slimy little hands out of corporate America

7. To me, ethics should be:
a) at the top of every employee's list of priorities
b) at least one of the company's core values
c) used as a guideline to stay out of jail
d) who am I kidding; I'd sell my kid's kidney for stock options

8. Sometimes I sit in my cubicle and:
a) imagine that's me in the corner office telling everyone what to do
b) fantasize that Steve Jobs is marrying my sister
c) plot to superglue my boss's butt to his chair
d) remember a time before the real world crushed all my hopes and dreams

9. I trust my management to:
a) give me raises and promotions when I deserve them
b) place the interests of the company ahead of their own
c) shower themselves in bonuses and stock options
d) sit on their fat butts and retire to the Cayman Islands at 50

10. When I wake up in the morning I:
a) take my vitamins, eat breakfast, and walk the dog
b) take a leak, eat my pride, and go to work like a dog
c) take my Prozac, eat everything in sight, and cry to the dog
d) take a drink, throw up breakfast, and go back to sleep, "dawg"

Now total up your score. Give yourself the following points per answer:
Each a) is worth 0 points
Each b) is worth 1 point
Each c) is worth 2 points
Each d) is worth 3 points

If you scored a total of 0 to 7 points:
You live in a fantasy world, existing in a complete state of denial about what really goes on in the board room. You'd make a perfect corporate vice president.

If you scored a total of 8 to 15 points:
You're a regular Joe with feet planted firmly on the ground. In other words, you're about as interesting as Styrofoam - perfect for middle management.

If you scored a total of 16 to 22 points:
Ready for a life of whining? Like to see your picture in print? Look up "working stiff" in the dictionary. Also see dupe, pawn, puppet, sap, sucker and tool.

If you scored more than 23:
You're a cynical creep with the moral fiber of rotting compost. You'll end up either in prison or as the CEO of a Fortune 1000 company.

 

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