There's an app for everything, even infidelity
There seems to be no limit to the imagination of app creators, who want you to simply be happy -- even if it's with someone else's husband or wife.
Humankind is never satiated.
People make promises in front of altars, and then, soon after, they sacrifice themselves to take another person's spouse. Because, well, they can. Or they have to. Or they feel like it. Or something.
One excuse I hear is that married lovers are more assiduous -- or even more grateful.
The only issue, it seems, is whether your current husband or wife begins to suspect and make investigations.
App developers have not been slow to help your cheating heart beat easily. So I am grateful to the Huffington Post for bringing together some of the more imaginative applications that hide your indiscretions.
There is, for example, Slydial. This neat little affair is your way to get straight through to your illicit lover's voice mail without his or her current amour sniffing suspiciously.
What is charming about Slydial is that its Web site doesn't directly address cheaters at all, unlike the site for makers of the Call and Text Eraser App -- Cate, as it's more personally known.
Cate's creators do offer a variety of uses for their fine invention. They claim it will stop telemarketers in their tracks. They claim it will stop abusive calls (from an ex-spouse, perhaps).
But, at heart, Cate is all about having an invisible log of calls and text messages and being able to hide specific numbers from your contact list. Spouses, you see, have a natural tendency to look in the obvious places for painful clues.
How else to explain Cate's slogan: "Love is blind, we like to keep it that way"?
This is a little more subtle than, which makes text messages simply disappear. Technology, you see, has so many subtle ways to help you fulfill your dreams.
I hadn't, for example, been aware of the Vaulty Stocks app. This heinous, insidious, society-threatening monstrosity pretends, as its name suggests, to be a stocks app.
Look more closely, though, and it is nothing more than a repository for all your guilty secrets. It's a grimy locker for your more private pictures and videos.
The Web site boasts: "No one will even know you have anything to hide."
Might I wave a dampened flag here? Wouldn't your spouse be slightly suspicious if, well, she saw the Vaulty Stocks app on your phone?
So perhaps the most subtle and the most satanic is the NQ Mobile Vault. This tempting app(le) takes your pictures, videos, and who knows what else might be incriminating in the wrong hands and backs them up in the cloud.
Personally, I am suspicious of clouds. I associate them with bad things like rain and seasonal affective disorder. However, there exist those who believe that they are the future.
I wonder whether app developers will have to continue to innovate as faithful, loving spouses continue to discover the ruses that their unworthy lovers are attempting.
Perhaps this will be a never-ending battle battle between the decent and selfish.
In the end, relationships are about power. Surely some enterprising app developers will begin to create apps where you can secretly bug your lover's phone without having to worry about what cover-up apps they happen to have installed.
Because, in the end, technology and relationships have one common thread: they're both better when they're easy.