I feel sure you will find the appropriate way to express your love on Valentine's Day.
Maybe you will take your love to dinner. You will buy flowers. You might get a card or lingerie. Perhaps you will even seek out some revolutionary bondage gear. However, I feel sure that not many of you will choose to offer your love a video game experience.
It seems that not everyone is as sure as me--or, for that matter, the wise and wonderful bloggers at Deadspin, who received a most delightfully thoughtful communication from a PR company. This PR company, called Reverb Communications, would like to stimulate an alternative Valentine reality. One in which lovers stay at home and game to their hearts' content. The company helpfully and, one suspects, hurriedly, commissioned a poll (I am not entirely aware among whom) to determine which video games are the most appropriate for the world's lovers.
Reverb insists that "with statistics showing that year over year more and more females are picking up videogame's (sic) it seems that perhaps a good quality date might be to stay in and share some time playing a game together."
You will, I am sure, be veritably panting to discover what are the top 10 lovers' video games. Allow me to quote the entirely magical and insane press release on this subject:
1. The Beatles: Rock Band - What's better than busting out "I Want To Hold Your Hand" with your true love?
2. Mario Kart - Mario, Luigi and good 'ol fashion racing competition - she'll dig it and maybe even beat you at it!
3. Grand Theft Auto (series) - Let your innocent darling transform into your bad girl fantasy as she takes on the role of a hardened criminal!
4. Super Smash Bros. Brawl - In a tense relationship? Release the aggression by taking out your sweetheart in this free-for-all. Once you get it all out there'll be nothing left but time for cuddling.
5. Resident Evil 5 - Zombies, guns and a creepy village! Nothing better than getting a little back up from your sweetie!
6. Dragonica Online - Not ready to settle down in real life? Show your sweetie you're not afraid of commitment and tie the knot virtually in this fun, free-to-play online game full of fantasy and adventures!
7. bittos+- Nothing like doing a good puzzle with your mate, can't afford diamonds? Give her all the diamonds in the world in this puzzler!
8. Fairytale Fights - Let your shnookems hack n' slash you all night in the shoes of a sick and twisted Little Red Riding Hood or Snow White!
9. Dance Dance Revolution - The best way to get a private dance from your mate and a great workout all at the same time!
10. A Perfect Massage - After a long gaming session with your significant other, why not settle down for a nice massage session using nothing, but this software and your XBOX 360 controller!
Yes, that last one really is a game that turns your Xbox 360 controller into a vibrator.
It is not for me to suggest what kind of lover will make you happiest. It is not for me to suggest that perhaps a lover who works in PR might not always have your interests as close to his or her heart as you would wish.
But I feel sure in offering you just this one suggestion, one that I have learned from many women over the years, some of whom even ended up being happy: women don't like men who play games.
I believe this to be especially true on Valentine's Day.