The new technology that turns you into a perfect coward
Slydial is a new technology that allows you to leave messages without the recipient knowing about it.
Where do creators of new technology get their inspiration?
Perhaps, in the case of Slydial, a new technology that allows you to leave voicemail messages for people without them knowing that you've called, it is in the creators' own life experience.
Here is a sample of situations in which, according to the creators, you will find Slydial useful:
1. Have your cake and eat it too. You desperately need to call your girlfriend but she is a talker and you don't want to spend an hour on the phone with her because you would much rather watch the game with your buddies. Leave her a sweet voicemail and get a hall pass for the night.
2. Just tell your side of the story. You just partied hard last night and going to work is just not on your radar today. You dread having to call your boss and answering any awkward questions he may have. Instead just leave him a simple voicemail letting him know that you won't be coming into work today.
3. Play the field more effectively. You are dating quite a few people at the same time. You don't want to leave them all text messages because there is nothing romantic about that. But a nice voicemail to each would score you points.
Doesn't this kind of stuff make you despair for humanity just a little? And doesn't it make you feel that the creators must have been men?
I mean, look at the reference to the boss as 'he', for example. And the mere idea of your girlfriend being a talker. So there are no men who are talkers? There are no bores who go on a first date and talk about themselves incessantly until their dinner companion goes for a bathroom break and climbs right out of the window, never to return?
As for dating a few people at the same time, well the creators manage to stoop to the word 'people' in describing their target market's dates, but you can feel just the faintest whiff of a manly patronizing quality in the phrase 'because there is nothing romantic about that.'
If you think I am being oversensitive here, please consider this next usage suggestion from the Slydial site:
Let them know that you didn't forget. You just remembered that it is your friend's birthday. You want to call her but it is really late and you don't know if she is still up. Don't take the chance that you might awake her from her beauty sleep. Instead just leave her a sweet voicemail with warm wishes and a promise of a belated birthday drink.
So let's see now, your boss is a 'he', but your friend is a 'she'. Oh, because that particular use is designed for girls, because girls care about friends, while men, oh, men never have to call their friends. They simply meet them in bars and get drunk with them. And then go off to pick up girls.
I am confused. And saddened.
Slydial appears to be a wonderful new technology that is primarily designed to enhance that side of you that is cowardly.
And one has to assume from the usage suggestions that men are more cowardly than women. Especially when it comes to communication.
I'd like to tell you what I really think about Slydial.
But, um, I think I'll just leave you a voicemail.